Category Archives: Sexual Purity for Men

This is a tough cookie to swallow; but God is dealing with us men in this area of sexual purity in a very personal way. In this session of my blog I will talk about my own struggles, revelations, research and practical ways for us to be able to live a sexually pure life according to God’s Standards and not the world’s.

The Idol of Ejaculation

            Men, if you are not complete without a wife you are not ready for marriage. So then, after you realize that you are complete, how do you know that she is the one? Is it her eyes? Is it her hair? Is it the way she walks? It must be her killing body, right? “That girl doesn’t miss one day in the Gym!” Or is it the way she makes you feel every time you kiss her?

            Many of us have felt all these things before, but surely they were not enough to carry on a successful relationship; to the contrary, we step into terrible nightmares. There is only one sign; one thing that is the determining factor in knowing that you have found that “good thing” that the Bible speaks about: If your relationship with this woman draws you closer to Christ and further from sin. The way our dating season goes is the best indicator of how Godly or not that relationship is. Many times, we don’t even have to go into a date to know that we must flee from that person. The Bible encourages us to flee from sexual immorality; some of us see the writing on the wall the first time we look, but yet, we still go after our own spiritual and, at times, literal death.

            So when you get to the point where you can sincerely tell a woman: “I am blessed when I am alone, but I am better when I am with you.” as it relates to your relationship with God…you have found “the one”; you are now ready for marriage. For before God established that it was not good for a man to be alone, Adam spend time alone with God first. By the time Eve came into the picture, Adam was already in relationship with God and moving in his purpose and destiny.

            Many of us engaged in relationships that are ungodly from the “get-go” as they quickly move us away from the things of God. We engage in relationships out of desperation; out of fear of fornication, even as many are already fornicating. Marriage becomes then, the remedy that will fix your sexual immorality…but the problem is that marriage never fixes anything; because the issue is not the marriage or who we marry, but what is in our hearts! We marry then, for the wrong reasons and then we are surprised when everything goes wrong.

            Many of us have fallen in the trap of the world as many of us end up worshiping the Idol of ejaculation. For those few minutes of pleasure, and for some it is literally a few minutes, we develop a heart that is willing to sin against God. We then turn our backs on our fellowship with the Lord and become faithful followers of our animalistic instinct. We know deep inside that woman is not the one, but “Oh, she’s so fine!” we say like voluntary prisoners of our selfish desires. Soon we will find ourselves in a deep cave of shame, jealousy, turmoil, anger, rejection and lack of peace. Soon, we find ourselves losing all sensitivity to the presence of God as the idol of ejaculation reports to the devil: “One more time, one more victim…mission accomplished.” Ladies, the same applies to you as many of you worship your own idol of orgasm! Don’t think that God can’t see what you keep secretly in your drawer.

Testimony: Escaping from the Trap of Adultery on a Rainy Friday Afternoon

It was a rainy Friday, late in the afternoon. I was on the phone talking with my good friend Dennis on my way home from work as we were being transparent to each other and praying, for we made a commitment to pray every day. I found myself weeping and telling my friend that I was terrified because I was convinced that I would fall into adultery at any time. My flesh was jumping all over the place and I felt that if any woman would look at me or say some things implying sex, I would, without a doubt fall in adultery. Even in being separated from my wife for almost a year and a half, I knew that God’s standards concerning sexual purity are very high; He does not even accept a “Hint of sexual immorality.” As my friend and I started praying, I knew that this was not a routinely religious prayer; this was a prayer of warfare against the kingdom of darkness. Something was up! The devil was planning an attack against my life and it was closer than I thought.

            The rain continued as I stopped at a gas station to fill up my car. Not even ten seconds after my last amen; while I was still wiping the tear out my eyes; a seemingly innocent woman approached me. She told me that she needed to get home to her kids, but her friend that was supposed to pick her up failed to do so. She added that she was just a few miles from the station and asked if I could give her a ride. Without thinking I say “Yes, no problem!” Within seconds of getting in my car, this woman was offering herself to me sexually; her demeanor totally changed. She touched my arm and my flesh cried out: “Glory!” I have not felt the touch of a woman in so long. My flesh continued speaking by saying: “This is it Angel; this is your chance; nobody will ever know; you don’t know this woman and she don’t know you!” But the Holy Spirit cried out even louder in the inside of me and yelled “No!” and I was reminded of Galatians 5: 16 “I say then: Walk in the Spirit, and you shall not fulfill the lust of the flesh.” I told this lady, “No.” She replied, “What, I am not attractive to you?” I said: “You are a beautiful woman, but I don’t do such things.” In no time we were at her place and I dropped her off.   

            I thank God for His Spirit. I thank God for giving me the awesome privilege of having friends that I can be transparent with; friends that I can pray with openly and without fear. What stopped me from adultery was not my great wisdom; it was very unwise on my part to allow this woman in my car to start with. What stopped me was not my love for my wife, even as I know I do love my wife. What stopped me was not my great self-control or even my love for my children and the people I serve in ministry. Nevertheless, what stopped me was God’s Spirit dealing with me face-to-face concerning this issue of sexual immorality, giving me the grace to pray in my closet, press on in prayer with my friend Dennis and God giving me sensitivity to His voice. May God help us all to walk in the Spirit! Glory be to God and His son Jesus Christ forever and ever… Amen!

Men, It’s Time to Come Out of the Closet!

I don’t want for you to think that I am being disrespectful, careless or un-loving towards you. If you feel that way, it’s surely not my intention. Because I do love you, I want to take the time to explain where I am coming from. I engaged in many street fights growing up in Puerto Rico; don’t ask me why, but I used to enjoy fighting. Later, as a teen I became an amateur boxer. In my twenties I became a Martial Artist here in the beautiful city of Jacksonville. I won some fights, but surely I lost others. However, they were just physical fights. Now that I am older, I find myself engaged in many emotional battles. The loss of my wife Ileana was and continues to be a tough one, especially when I look at my children struggling.

            As I remarried it was and continues to be extremely tough to go through our struggles there (http://angelcasiano.wordpress.com/category/about-me/). I must admit on the other hand, that no fight has been tougher and bloodier than my personal declaration of war on my sexual immorality. I am not holding back; I feel that I have lost so much and that I have wasted enough time.

            I feel as if there is nothing you can do to me that can even come close to the damage I have already caused to me, my family and the generations to come. These generational curses do get worst with every generation! But I am hopeful, very hopeful, that God will turn this thing around for good; because I know He is merciful, I know I love Him; and most importantly, I know He loves me and He wants the best for me and for you. Perhaps, He is already turning things around as I write these words.

            Men, it is time to come out of the closet! This specific teaching is to all heterosexual men in the church, who are giving their secret place to sexual immorality. Let’s take a good look at some statistics I found through http://www.safefamilies.org/

 

 

Show Me the Money!

  • As of 2003, there were 1.3 million pornographic websites; 260 million pages (N2H2, 2003).
  • The total porn industry revenue for 2006: $13.3 billion in the United States; $97 billion worldwide (Internet Filter Review).
  • U.S. adult DVD/video rentals in 2005: almost 1 billion (Adult Video News).
    Hotel viewership for adult films: 55% (cbsnews.com).
  • Unique worldwide users visiting adult web sites monthly: 72 million (Internet Filter Review).
  • Number of hardcore pornography titles released in 2005 (U.S.): 13,588 (Internet Filter Review).
  • More than 70% of men from 18 to 34 visit a pornographic site in a typical month (comScore Media Metrix).
  • As of December 2005, child pornography was a $3 billion annual industry (Internet Filter Review).

Christians, Pastors and Church Pornography Statistics

  • A 1996 Promise Keepers survey at one of their stadium events revealed that over 50% of the men in attendance were involved with pornography within one week of attending the event.
  • 51% of pastors say cyber-porn is a possible temptation. 37% say it is a current struggle (Christianity Today, Leadership Survey, 12/2001).
  • Over half of evangelical pastors admit viewing pornography last year.
  • Roger Charman of Focus on the Family’s Pastoral Ministries reports that approximately 20 percent of the calls received on their Pastoral Care Line are for help with issues such as pornography and compulsive sexual behavior.
  • In a 2000 Christianity Today survey, 33% of clergy admitted to having visited a sexually explicit Web site. Of those who had visited a porn site, 53% had visited such sites “a few times” in the past year, and 18% visit sexually explicit sites between a couple of times a month and more than once a week.
  • 29% of born again adults in the U.S. feel it is morally acceptable to view movies with explicit sexual behavior (The Barna Group).
  • 57% of pastors say that addiction to pornography is the most sexually damaging issue to their congregation (Christians and Sex Leadership Journal Survey, March 2005).

Statistics on Pornography’s Effect on Families and Marriages

  • 47% percent of families said pornography is a problem in their home (Focus on the Family Poll, October 1, 2003).The Internet was a significant factor in 2 out of 3 divorces (American Academy of Matrimonial Lawyers in 2003 – divorcewizards.com).

Statistics on Child Pornography Use

  • 9 out of 10 children aged between the ages of 8 and 16 have viewed pornography on the Internet, in most cases unintentionally (London School of Economics January 2002).
  • Average age of first Internet exposure to pornography: 11 years old (Internet Filter Review).
  • Largest consumer of Internet pornography: 12 – 17 year-old age group (various sources, as of 2007).

               

So, how do we deal with this? This very question has haunted many believing men, and many failed because of such lack of knowledge. Please, head to truth. Proverbs 28:13 tells us what to do:

“He who conceals his sins does not prosper,
       but whoever confesses and renounces them finds mercy.”

The word “conceals” means, “to put or keep something or somebody out of sight, or prevent the person or thing from being found.” When we do this, the Bible tells us that we do not prosper. Hiding our sins is the reason why we can’t develop a more intimate relationship with God. Consequently, it is the reason why we do not mature in the things of God. That sin will eat us alive little by little; choke you like the deadly python. The good news is that there are two things you can do right now to start engaging in this battle against sexual immorality.

  1. Confess your sins.
  2. Renounce your sin. The word, “renounce” means, “To give up a habit, pursuit, or practice.”

            Neither one of these two solutions are easy, I know! As a matter of fact, they are extremely and incredibly difficult. The first one is frightening; we know that we will be judged and ridiculed, hated by some, etc. For that reason I have the following verse as my foundation.

“Do not be afraid of those who kill the body but cannot kill the soul. Rather, be afraid of the One who can destroy both soul and body in hell.” Matthew 10:28

The second step is even tougher. Sexual immorality is something that we develop by creating habits year after year. For some of us, it takes decades of engaging in these bad habits. However, God has given us all the tools necessary to pursue and beat this thing in Jesus’ name.  Come on men! It is time to come out of the closet and enjoy a greater fullness of life. The devil is a liar; no temporary pleasure can even compare to even the enjoyment of the pursuit of sexual purity. I have included with this article some very valuable resources; if you are serious about engaging in this battle, this is an excellent place to start.

 Some Valuable Resources:

Great Web Site with great resources: http://www.porntopurity.com/ 

One of the best if not the best book on sexual purity for men: www.everymansbattle.com/ 

This is a powerful and practical small book about speaking about homosexuality. Homosexuality is everywhere; are we going to ignore this reality or are we going to deal with this issue with truth and love? http://stores.newgrowthpress.com/-strse-900/Homosexuality/Detail.bok 

Rediscovering Sexual Purity: http://www.lifeaction.org/static/uploads/media/pdf/summithandouts/Rediscovering_Sexual_Purity.pdf 

The Purity Principle: http://www.wtsbooks.com/product-exec/product_id/5020/nm/The+Purity+Principle%3A+God%27s+Safeguards+for+Life%27s+Dangerous+Trails+%28Hardcover%29

Helpful Resources on Pursuing Sexual Purity for Men

Great Web Site with great resources: http://www.porntopurity.com/ 

One of the best if not the best book on Sexual purity for men: www.everymansbattle.com/ 

A powerful and practical small book about speaking about homsexuality. Homosexuality is here; are we gong to ignored this reality or are we going to deal with this issue with truth and love? http://stores.newgrowthpress.com/-strse-900/Homosexuality/Detail.bok 

Rediscovering Sexual Purity: http://www.lifeaction.org/static/uploads/media/pdf/summithandouts/Rediscovering_Sexual_Purity.pdf 

The Purity Principle: http://www.wtsbooks.com/product-exec/product_id/5020/nm/The+Purity+Principle%3A+God%27s+Safeguards+for+Life%27s+Dangerous+Trails+%28Hardcover%29

God’s Ways are Better: A Word of Encouragement for Those Pursuing Sexual Purity

  By Mr. Dennis Owen

When God has asked you to do something, what has your response typically been? If you struggle to obey, what hindered you? Did you lack trust in God’s love? His wisdom? His power?

Knowing and doing God’s will depend on how well you know him and his nature. Because God is love, His will is always best. He wants you to live an abundant life (John 10:10). So when God gives you a command it is to protect you and lead you toward His blessings. He does not want you to miss out on the fullness of life He wants you to experience. God’s instructions regarding sexual purity do not restrict; they free you. God’s purpose is that you prosper and live:

“When your children ask you later on, ‘What are the stipulations, statutes, and ordinances that the LORD our God commanded you?’ you must say to them… ‘The LORD commanded us to obey all these statutes and to revere him so that it may always go well for us and he may preserve us, as he has to this day. We will be innocent if we carefully keep all these commandments before the LORD our God, just as he demands‘” (Deuteronomy 6:20 -21, 24-25).

Suppose the Lord says, “I have a gift for you — lovely, pleasing expression of what love is. I will provide you with a wife who will love you. Your relationship with this woman will bring out the best in you. It will give you an opportunity to experience some of the most genuine and important dimensions of human love that are possible. That woman will walk alongside of you to inspire, challenge, and strengthen you when you lose heart. Within that relationship, your wife will love you, believe in you and trust you. Out of that relationship, I will bless you with children, and those children will grow up to love you with all of their hearts.”

But then He cautions, “You have heard that it was said, ‘Do not commit adultery.’ But I say to you that whoever looks at a woman to desire her has already committed adultery with her in his heart.” (Matt 5:27-28). Is this command meant to limit your happiness? No! It is to protect you so you can experience love at its human best. What happens if you begin to view your marriage vows as restricting, choosing instead to ignore God’s command and to be unfaithful to your spouse? The love relationship in your marriage will be ruptured. Trust will disintegrate. Guilt will set and bitterness will fester. Your children will feel the pain as well. Emotional scars may severely limit the future dimensions of love you and your family could experience together. God knows what the terrible effect of sexual immorality, so He clearly warns you not to succumb to impurity of any kind as these are not fitting for the saints.

Dare to trust God! His commands are designed to guide you to the best He has to offer. You will struggle to obey Him, however, if you do not trust Him. You will not trust Him if you do not love Him. And you will not love Him unless you know Him. But if you come to know Him as He reveals Himself to you, you will love Him, trust Him, and obey Him. The Bible is clear at this point: if you love God, you will obey Him! If you do not obey Him, you do not really love Him, regardless of what you may claim (see John 14:24).

So, how do we get trust? Let me challenge you with an honest wager. Dare to trust God, and the Spirit of God promises to bear witness with your spirit that you are a child of God (Rom 8:16). If you are willing to risk believing (committing all that you know of yourself to all that you know of God as the ultimate leap of faith), the Spirit of God guarantees an inner witness that sets our minds at ease. As you meditate on this truth, ask God to reveal His nature to you. Ask Him to develop in you confidence to trust Him anytime He has an assignment for you. Then as you follow and obey Him, He will direct you in ways that are best for you and for the situation into which He calls you. Since God is all-knowing, you’ll never have to question the wisdom of His directions — even when they don’t make sense to you. His plans are always right. God is all-powerful, so you need doubt your ability, strength, or resources to complete his assignments. He will keep you pure and will equip you to accomplish all he calls you to do.

 dpowen1@hotmail.com