Dancing With Bitterness By Angel and Angelo Casiano


             I am aching and my heart dances with bitterness. The downpour seems so desiccated; the sun produces no shine and the waters of the sea are clothed in gray. This imperceptible object hurts so, much! This imperceptible object surpasses my mind. The blanket of sorrow becomes my refuge; the tears of my soul are the cries that no one heeds. For some, life continues as usual; I should be able to be ok; but the unseen emotions are using my heart as a target. For the arrows of sweet memories stand as times that will never again be. The agonizing thought that it is over overwhelms me! Rejected, used and despised; I was left to die.

            No, I am not ok! I am throbbing and my heart dances with bitterness. Only God with His banner of love can swathe me at night and keep me pure when the flesh cries-out for satisfaction. Perceiving failure is always an intricate task; like looking directly at the sun; like turning our heads when the evident horror is for certain.

            So, regret does visit me; though I refuse to open the door, I can see the disgusting eyes of “what I should have walked away from,” mocking me throughout the window of my mind. The cliff of despair knows me by name; the dreadful garden of devastation awaits me.

            I am aching and my heart dances with bitterness. The oppression of un-Godly thoughts, I brawl incessantly; pride grins at me with a sludge hammer of demolition. Who can break the chains of soul ties? Who can provide freedom to a man’s heart? It hurts; it hurts so, much! No, God did not promise a life devoid of pain; but the announcement was made that many are the afflictions of the just.

            But, I gazed and saw a rainbow that announced that God has not given up on me. Yes, many are the adversities, but deliverance is only one prayer away. Yes, the brutality of the arsenals formed against us is existent; but the promise that they will not prosper are written upon the stones of the assurance found only in God. So, I look at the pain and conclude that God’s grace is sufficient. In the midst of the dance room of life, I push bitterness away and embrace forgiveness, the acceptance of my own faults and God’s love and redemptive power to make me whole again. This dance with bitterness is over!

8 thoughts on “Dancing With Bitterness By Angel and Angelo Casiano

  1. Beneath the surface of your powerful lament is an important lesson in how to avoid bitterness, Angel. It comes when you say something very strange, “pride grins at me with a sludge hammer of demolition.”

    Bitterness dances in our hearts when we think we have been deprived of something we deserve. And once in our hearts, it ignites a destructive fire, burning with increasingly intense heat as we ruminate on all the ways we have failed to be appreciated for “all the things” we’ve done.

    Our hearts dance with bitterness when we ascribe some “value” on what we have done, and expect others to put an equal—or higher—value on it as well. It can be anything. When others fail to place the value on the matter that we think it deserves, bitterness is just around the corner. And the only way to push bitterness away is to resist ascribing any alleged value to the things we do—to consider ourselves and our work as “worthless.” Paul did this when he looked at his life and said, “I count everything as rubbish for the sake of knowing Christ” (Philippians 3:8). Someone has said it similarly: “You cannot kill a dead man.” We are headed for trouble when we go through the dance room of life putting “price tags” on our words and deeds, and then expecting others to “pay up” accordingly with acknowledgments and accolades. The only way to push bitterness away is to give our lives away “free of charge.” We leave it to God to value who we are and what we do.

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  2. If bitterness is defined as a turn away from God – it’s a different thing than lamenting the bitter pain of rejection. Is it something we feel that we deserve or the disappointment of entering a covenant we were willing to honor with someone who promised but didn’t deliver? We are worthy to expect someone to keep their promises, but living in a fallen world, we know that while people disappoint us, God never will.

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  3. Beloved,
    I feel your pain my precious friend.. I’ve been there. Tasted it, touched it, I even allowed her to speak to me. She a big demon you know, a big monster and more than anything intoxicating! It will confuse you and blind you, it will make you feel distant and abandoned, it will try to make you believe that GOD is no more and that you have been forsaken. And so there I was that day when you called me to tell me your dream, under the very dark cloud of confusion and blindness bitterness covered me with. An after your profetic words and walked to my car, got in it and broke down like I never had before in the literal, thick and sweet presence of GOD. Then I felt the HOLY SPIRIT speke to me a few words, as HE said… I tell you what I see when I look at you… I see a son!. When GOD looks at you ANGEL He see a son… His son. And so there I understood one divine THRUTH, that only the ALMIGHTY can define my condition, my place, my path, my future. That in CHRIST I am because HE is. I am my Beloved! My Beloved is mine and His banner over me is Love! And yes Dennis, we have no life any longer, for our lives are His. Amen!!!
    I humbly say to everyone, don’t try to be what you already are. Believe and rejoice that He WHO began the work in you, will bring it to perfection until the day of the LORD!

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  4. By Dear Brother Angel:

    I sense pain, hurt, but not confused. I’m not trying to minimize what you feel, but I just left a Homegoing Service of a brother in his 50’s, two beautiful adult children and a wife
    He was a devoted spouse, a hard worker, body stricken with cancer. I understood that he wanted to live on this earth, now, with the rest of us. It was not granted.

    I know you have experienced loss before, and now again? Remember Job, I know you are not him, but look at how God moved in His timing. I pray that God will sustain you, and we plead the Blood of Jesus, that whatever was meant for your bad, God will use for your good. Lord help us to bear the cross for there’s a song that says Must Jesus Bear the Cross alone and all the world go free, no there’s a cross for everyone and there’s a cross for me. Lord help us to bear it, it’s heavy. The Lord is acquainted with our grief and I believe in due season, you shall reap a bountiful harvest of love, peace, and joy.

    Ann Holley

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