Reflections on my Forty-Third Birthday

           Well, even as my birthday is overshadowed by Prince William and Kate Middleton’s little wedding, (LOL) I want to write a few things on this, my birthday. For many years; as a child, teen and young adult, I was convinced that I was to die before twenty five. I was convinced that someone was going to kill me or that I was going to die in a car accident or something! What a way to live; especially without Christ!

            At 43, I can look back and see so many mistakes; so many areas that I’ve messed-up so badly; truly, the mercies of God overwhelms my heart to this day. Today I am totally healed from the death of my first wife, Ileana. I heard people say that it took them three years, others five years and even some that never experience healing. Beloved, without Christ, we can’t be healed!

            I remember trying to get drunk shortly after Ileana’s death. At night, when I did not have to be “The Man of God;” in the place where no one was looking and the place where I was comfortable showing my weaknesses…, the pain became unbearable. So, I decided to change my appearance, go into a liquor store in Gates County, North Carolina; and buy some Bacardi to medicate that pain. I drank almost the whole thing at once and it was like drinking water…it did absolutely nothing to me! I wept before the Lord and asked Him to take the pain away; He told me “No, all you have to do is trust Me”. God did not allow me, because of His mercies, to become an alcoholic. That healing came this year; almost six years later!

            Three years ago, as I was facing unbelievable circumstances in my new marriage, I considered jumping off the Matthews Bridge in the middle of a dark night to put an end to my miserable and purposeless life. But again, the Holy Spirit told me, “Angel, I am not done with you!” God is real for me; it is not a church event, a position of leadership or just a song…God saved my life! God stopped me from destroying my life through alcohol and from taking my life in that dark night in March. I love HIM with a passion because I don’t deserve such love, I am nothing, and I even turned my back on HIM. I stopped loving HIM, I stopped serving HIM and I stopped considering HIM. But, praise be to God.

            The divorce process is not an easy process; but I am almost totally healed by the grace of God. I desire nothing but the best for my former wife; she did the best she could, under very difficult circumstances. May the Lord bless her and her children; I am sure God has great things for her!

            Today, I find myself full of joy, I find myself at peace and with a greater intimacy with the Lord. God is indeed good! I look to the future with great expectation! God has already shown me a piece of the promise land. Happy birthday to me!

2 responses to “Reflections on my Forty-Third Birthday”

  1. Nelson Pacheco Avatar


    Happy Birthday! What a difference Bro. between those places where we want to go; and the places where He wants us to go or allow us to go to. Truth is that God always has a better plan and a greater purpuse. You are today, even thru your painfull experiences a much better man, father, brother, son, friend and much more! There are many of us that can testify of that and I’m one of them.
    I love Bro. I’m honor to know you! I mean it. Remenber the words from Paul…when he said “Give thanks to God in everthing” not for it, but in it. For its not what we experienced what is important; but the reason behind it and its purpuse.



  2. angelcasiano Avatar

    Pacheco, God bless you my bother and my friend!


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