The Coupon Woman

Listen men, I know that I am about to talk to you about a very sensitive topic. I know that my reputation as a tough Martial Artist might be in jeopardy here, but I believe that this information is going to bless you all and your families.


My Fiancée send me out to the supermarket this morning with an uncomfortable amount of Coupons. I know that we like to do our shopping fast; I know that we don’t like to ask if we feel lost, so I was a little intimidated about the task, I must admit. Not only that I had coupons, but I had a list of specific items that were on sale today, so I needed to look for those to. Not knowing where some products were located is a terrifying experience for us men; we like to be in control you know!


But I took my time and only needed to ask one time! I really did not know that Borden makes butter, I always knew about them making the best slice cheese, but butter? Well, I found the product thanks to this lady!  In about a half an hour I was done with my shopping list. The Cashier gave me the total and I proudly say:  “Here are my coupons.” When she finished scanning the coupons that my Fiancée gave me, I was able to save $37.78. That my friend… is a real saving. That $37.78 would have abandoned my wallet, but I thank God for my Fiancée! Because of her, I now have $37.78 extra dollars that we can use to buy something else.  Brothers, I encourage you, if you are single, find yourself a woman that knows how to work the Coupon System. If the woman you are in a romantic relationship with does not know how to work the coupon system, encourage her to learn. If she refuses, that is a good sign that this is not the woman God has for you…flee from her!!!! She is part of the enemy’s camp that is after your wallet! Every time I buy groceries with my Fiancée I see savings of $75.00, $100.00, etc. When it comes down to using those coupons she is a beast, a monster, an animal…. I know this is the woman God has for me because of her ability with coupons; it is that simple, I need no other confirmation!


The only downside, and this is my warning to you men out there, is that if, for whatever reason, she forgets a coupon, miscalculates her savings or the Cashier mess up in the scanning process; you are going to hear about it. Brothers, they go on and on, even if they miss a fifty cents savings. When that happened, it is a good time for you to go to the bathroom and stay there until she cools off. Do not stay there too long either or her wrath will come upon you. You need wisdom to know for how long you need to stay in that bathroom…Ask the Lord for wisdom, please! Brothers, when they get like that, they may come after you and me if we say the wrong thing.


Men, we must understand that there is a jungle out there! There is a brutal battle for our money and these Coupon Women are declaring war. They are vicious my friend; make sure you don’t laugh or make any derogatory comments when they overlook a ten cents savings; you need to understand that this is not funny for them! Be supportive or if you have nothing good to say, say nothing. Treat them as if they are in the process of giving birth to your child…everything you say can and will be used against you!

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