Confessions of a Former Pastor

I used to be a pastor in Winton, North Carolina. As matter of fact, all hell broke loose in my life the moment I answered the call to pastor a local congregation. The death of the mother of my children, a wife of eighteen years, took place just six months after I so happily moved from Jacksonville, Florida to Gates County. Later, as I remarried and experienced a disaster of a marriage which ended in divorce, I surely felt that for me it was over. I tried then to rise up, but was KO’d by my own sins. This time I knew for sure that it was over.


My “clean record” is now not so clean; however people continue to call me pastor. I have been declaring that I will never be a pastor again and encouraging people not to call me one. However, I can see the Lord ministering some things to me. The reality is that my record was not too clean to start with. We glorify a false idea of self-righteousness until life shows us how full of “nothing” we really are.


Today, I am able to understand that it is not that I refuse to be a pastor again, for I continue to love people and truly enjoy giving, serving and helping. Today, I understand that I don’t want to go back to the established idea of what a pastor is. People exalt pastors too, much and the sad thing is that many pastors enjoy such exaltation. Consequently, folk in the current system, for the most part, are delegating their Biblical responsibilities of prayer, intimacy with God, the study of God’s Words and ministering to their own families, to this person known as, the pastor. Their whole Christian experience is based on those couple of hours of church service on Sundays. If you follow my blog long enough you probably know that I am tired of the Sunday concerts and shows. I am tired of the motivational speakers.


I remember in my own church, showing up for a Sunday service, and not having the anointing to share a message. I had things to share, but no power, so I decided to be honest with my little congregation and ask if anybody had a Word from the Lord. People looked at me like I was crazy, but little-by-little, they began to share and it turned out to be a beautiful service; truly one of my favorites. That is my heart, for people to be real about their relationship with Christ and then when we come together, we come together to have true fellowship where we can sit around Christ and laugh, eat, rejoice, worship, share testimonies, share a Word that can actually be confirmed by two witnesses, enjoy freedom for all the gifts to flow, minister to one another and have a giving heart so that we can take care of one another in moments of crisis as we also reach out to others in need as the Lord blesses and guides us. I want to have many sons and daughters in the ministry, I want to make disciples, I want to see them using their talents and I want to be able to send them out so that they can be all that God has called them to be. I don’t want to be bound by a building. As a matter of fact, I’d rather meet in houses. If we do buy a building, we will buy it cash with no debt, eliminated the demon that is hurting the majority of churches. They are so consumed with the financial responsibilities of a building that they can’t do anything to help their own people. We don’t have to go out and save the world; we only need to be faithful in the territory God would have us to serve at.


I believe this is possible! To be a pastor in a congregation with such a way of doing ministry truly excites me. Anything less is not appealing to me at all! With these principles in mind, I am ready to start a ministry.



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