Living With an Emotional Amputation


Ten years ago, on a day like today, I lost my first wife, Ileana Casiano. This last decade has been a decade where I have seen the devil face to face and, at the same time, I have experience God’s goodness like never before.

            I remember when Ileana died someone told me that it will take at least five years to recover from such pain. Somebody else told me that when you lose a love one; a father, mother, son, daughter, wife, husband or a close friend, etc. is like living with an amputation for the rest of your life. Both of these statements proved to be truth in my life.

            My current wife and I, both, have experience awful tragedies and circumstances in our lives. In our forties, I think that we would have prefer to be able to live alone with the Lord, see our children and grandchildren grow and learn to be at peace with ourselves. Believe me when I tell you, this blended family thing is not easy at all! However, it is still not good for a man (Woman) to be alone. We still have the need to share our lives in a very intimate way. Still, to be marry is better than to burn. This Biblical reality does not change because of divorces, failed relationship, mistakes, death, etc.

            So we learn to rely on the Lord like never before, navigate through our lives after such awful tragedies and pain and, we learn to be grateful to our God.

            In the last ten years I added many personal mistakes to the book of my life’s story, plenty of sin and plenty of stupidity. I still carry some regrets in my heart for some of those things I did that brought shame to my family, to the Body of Christ and for letting my God down. However, I celebrate ten years of God’s faithfulness; ten years of changes, ten years of still surviving and ten years of great hope.

               I am not dead nor depress, I have plenty of dreams, goals in life and excitement for the next ten years. Ileana gave her life to the Lord just three weeks after I did; that is the most important event in any person’s life. If you are not saved, that is your first problem that will only get worse with death. If you are born again and you suffered your whole life, can the time of your life be compared to an eternity with Christ? There is a life after this one that is so amazing that the brightest minds are unable to even imagine how amazing is going to be like.

            One day all of us, brothers and sisters in the Lord, will form a perfect family with no negative and no evil emotions. Are you ready?

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