For months I have felt that nobody cares about what I have to say… NOBODY! That is a hard cookie to swallow for a preacher! I know our gifts and callings are irrevocable; Romans tells us that. However, I wonder, where did my ministry go? I still hear God, I still feel his Word burning in my heart with messages, bible studies, etc. But for the most part, they end up in this blog who has become my faithful friend.
After so much sin and disappointment in my life I feel that I disqualify myself from ministry. My purpose has been severely affected. I know I will obey God if He calls me to do anything. For now, I have witnessed failures after failures in everything I do, from published books, to the starting of any ministry, local churches and yes, even in ministering to my own family. I am in a very dark place. I am now 52 and not one door has open! The glory and the top of my life as a minister go back to the summer of 2005, 15 years ago!!!! when I was called to pastor a church in Winton North Carolina and, shortly after, the Lord gave me a powerful prison ministry.
It was very common for me to preach 4 times a day. I will start my day with a morning service to the Hispanics in prison (8:00 am), then I will preach, by invitation, in whatever church cared to have me (10:30 am), then I will minister in my own church at 3 PM and lastly, I will finished my Sunday’s going back to minister to the general population at prison at 7 PM. Those were, without a doubt, my glory days. I felt so happy, I had great joy in my heart doing what I felt I was born to do. But, what price did I paid for that dedication? Well, I lost my first wife to cancer only six months after accepting my call to pastor that church in Winton, North Carolina. I kept ministering with the same schedule, but it did not last that long. I quit ministry and embraced a lifestyle of sin.
Through the years, after that, there have been moments when I have felt that I am coming back; but like an old boxer who attempts to come back to boxing, it does not go too far. So, what am I to do? I am here, ready to preach in and out of season. However, I am not forcing any doors or lose sleep over it. I will continue to work and make a living and let God use me there. This blog will continue to tell my story; the good, the bad and the ugly and, if God needs me for anything else, He knows where to find me! For now, on this hot day in Arizona, I look forward to play a round of golf, to walk the golf course at Arizona Traditions, get some exercises and keep lowering my handicap!
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