The Value of a Marriage that Sucks


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We are surrounded by people who are marry; but how many marriages have we seen glued to each other? I am talking about they are holding hands, when they are in public, they stick together and, without a doubt, they are each other’s favorites. I don’t know about you; in my 52 years of life I can’t count with one hand marriages like that. Ephesians 5:31 tells us,

For this cause shall a man leave his father and mother, and shall be joined unto his wife, and they two shall be one flesh. (KJV)

The word “joined” here is the Greek Word, proskolláō; meaning, “To glue. To glue one thing to another. To be joined with or to join oneself unto, equivalent to cleave to, such as a husband to his wife.”[1]  Sadly, this is not what we see in the great majority of marriages. The husband seems to cleave to his hobbies, friends and/or toys and, the wife to hers. When they are together in a party, they are not next to each other; the wife is in one side of the room and the husband in the other. When they do talk to each other; their conversations are not really important, they can be interrupted by anybody; as a matter fact, it seems like they can’t wait for the conversation to be over. They are married, but they are not together; there is really no glue between them. They are both in their own worlds.

That glue is important; is made of two ingredients; husbands and wives are responsible for bringing those ingredients into the marriage in order for that glue to work properly. The husband is to brings love and the wife is to bring respect (Ephesians 5:33). Those two substances together formed a glue a million times stronger than the Gorilla Glue.

Marriage points directly at Jesus; the wife represents the Body of Christ (The Church). The husband represents the head (Christ). The greatest struggle of the church is to truly embrace the Lordship of Christ; that’s also the wife’s’ struggle towards her husband. Ephesians 5:22 tells us, “Wives, submit to your own husbands, as to the Lord.” (KJV) The word submit here is the Greek Word, hupotássō; meaning “To place in order. To place under in an orderly fashion.[2] That means that, as long as that husband is not telling you to do something unlawful or ungodly, what he says goes. That’s a tough cookie to swallow, especially in today’s culture; but that is not even the toughest part.

The toughest part here is of the husband, because he is challenged with an impossible task; that is to love his wife like Christ love the church. Ephesians 5:26 tells us, “Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her.” (KJV). What the Bible is asking a husband to do here is harder than taking a bullet for his wife or protecting her from physical harm and so on. Humans, even unbelievers, have placed their lives in danger and even given their lives for the protection of others. What we are talking about here is much deeper.

Romans 5:8 tells us, “But God demonstrates His own love toward us, in that while we were still sinners, Christ died for us.” (KJV) Jesus demonstrated his love for us while we were cursing him; Jesus demonstrated his love for us before we could give him praise, before we could honor and acknowledge Him, before we utter any prayer to Him and before we asked Him permission to do anything. Jesus gave his life for us while we were in our sin, while we did not even consider doing his will and, while we were drunk in our sin. Beloved, the greatest struggle of any husband is to love his wife without getting anything in return.

There is no way around this; the wife must find a way to submit to her imperfect husband while the husband must find a way to love his wife while she keep disrespecting him, while she keeps placing others above him, while she keeps denying him sexually and when she does give it up, she is not even into it and, while she honors every other men; daddy, brother, uncle, friends, co-worker… above you. Now, it is not God’s will that we remain in a marriage that sucks; it is God’s will that we learn the lessons that we need to learn and keep moving forward. In Titus 2 Paul is speaking specifically about Sound Doctrine; he starts his teachings by addressing the older man and then the older woman,

But as for you, speak the things which are fitting for sound doctrine. Older men are to be temperate, dignified, sensible, sound in faith, in love, in perseverance.Older women likewise are to be reverent in their behavior, not malicious gossips nor enslaved to much wine, teaching what is good, so that they may encourage the young women to love their husbands, to love their children, to be sensible, pure, workers at home, kind, being subject to their own husbands, so that the word of God will not be dishonored. Titus 1:1-5 (NASB)

Notice that the men must be 1) temperate, 2) dignified, 3) sensible, 4) sound in faith, 5) sound in love and 6) sound in perseverance.

The women on the other side is called to be 1) reverent in their behavior, 2) they must teach what is good with a focus on teaching the young women how to love their husbands. Now, is the Bible now telling wives to love their husbands; was that not the responsibility of the husband? Thank God for Greek dictionaries! The word love here is the Greek word phílandros; meaning “Loving as a friend.[3] Friendship keeps peace at home, and this is what the older women should be teaching the younger ones. Not only that, but this makes the point clear that when it comes down to friendship, husbands and wives must be each other’s best friends. On the other hand, when the Bible tells us to love our wives is in the context of the Agape love, the unconditional love. 3) The older women are also called to teach the younger ones to love their children; again, bringing that friendly atmosphere that is such a blessing in a home. 4) The older women are also called to be and teach the younger women to be sensible, that is a person of a sound mind (Mature in the Lord). 5) Pure, that is a call to holiness. 6) Workers at home, a wife’s focus should be at home and how that home is run as she is raising her children and embracing the role of suitable helper for her husband. Sadly, the woman is no longer at home; she is out attempting the get off her role and embracing the role of the man. So, we now have two people in the house fighting for the role of a man. Weird! 6) Older women are called to be kind. This is the Greek Word, agathós; meaning, “Good and benevolent, profitable, useful.[4] Lastly, 7) the older women are called to be subject to their own husband and, again to teach this to the younger ones. I must point out the impact that a good wife has in society, Paul stated, at the end of these characteristics, “…so that the word of God will not be dishonored.” Titus 1:5 (NASB) Wow!

In closing, what shall we do? Our marriage sucks, the husband doesn’t know how to love, the wife is disrespectful, so now what? Don’t divorce… LEARN! Learn the lessons that you need to learn in marriage; they are actually more important than your marriage. These lessons have eternal ramifications. Work on that glue! Wives bring that respect to your husband and husbands bring that Agape love to your wife. Focus on Jesus; his sacrifices on the cross, his resurrection and the glorious future that is awaiting the church. As we both look at Christ, Christ will indeed help us to do what we are called to do and to be what we are called to be. Some glues take more time than others, but soon enough, it will do its work. Soon enough we will be glued together! Can I get an amen?

 

 

 

 

[1] Spiros Zodhiates, The Complete Word Study Dictionary: New Testament (Chattanooga, TN: AMG Publishers, 2000).

[2] Spiros Zodhiates, The Complete Word Study Dictionary: New Testament (Chattanooga, TN: AMG Publishers, 2000).

[3] Spiros Zodhiates, The Complete Word Study Dictionary: New Testament (Chattanooga, TN: AMG Publishers, 2000).

[4] Spiros Zodhiates, The Complete Word Study Dictionary: New Testament (Chattanooga, TN: AMG Publishers, 2000).

 

Author: angelcasiano

An independent thinker with a profound call to see the orthodoxy of the church and passion for Christ manifesting together. Angel was born in Brooklyn, New York in April of 1968, he was raised on the beautiful island of Puerto Rico where he earned his B.S. degree in Sociology with a minor in Education from the Inter American University in San Germán in 1991. That same year he moved to Jacksonville, Florida. After working construction jobs for a year and learning the English language, his first job working with foster-care children in the capacity of youth care worker was with Jacksonville Youth Sanctuary in September of 1992. With JYS he was promoted several times as group home supervisor, legal caseworker, and program director. While in Jacksonville, Angel studied a couple of martial arts styles. After earning his black belt, he became the founder of Good Fight Ministries as he used martial arts as an instrument to preach the gospel. In 2004 Angel was selected Martial Arts Instructor of the Year for the State of Florida and in 2005 Angel was inducted in the USA Martial Arts Hall of Fame where he also received the Christian Spirit Award. In July of 2005 Angel accepted his call to pastor a bilingual church in Winton, NC where he served for a couple of years. Five months later he lost his first wife to cancer in December of that same year. This initiated a deep valley of suffering in his life, a mountain of costly mistakes and the embracing of lifestyles of sin that are well documented through this blog. In August of 2012 Angel moved to Fairbanks Alaska with his wife Rayette Casiano and six children who are now adults. In Alaska, Angel continued his social work-related career and his ministry of preaching, teaching and writing. Angel is the author of two books, Hope for the divorcee: Forgiving and Moving Forward and 7 Banderas de Esperanza: La Bendición de Yokdzonot. In January 8th of 2020 Angel and his wife moved to Arizona.

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