I have allowed people to guide me into something that I am not and, have added unnecessary burdens and sorrows into my life. Folks do what they are called to do, amid mistake and errors; “for it is God who works in you to will and to act in order to fulfill his good purpose.” Philippians 2:13 (NIV) The sense of failure hunt us when we are not delivered from what others want us to do and to be, other folks’ expectations.
53 year of life and it is now that I am, at least, aware that I have been trying to meet other people’s expectations… that is a recipe for misery! Whatever he gave us to do, he gives us: 1) the desire to do it, and 2) the ability to act on it. Beloved, this is supposed to be easy. Jesus said, “…my yoke is easy, and my burden is light.” Matthew 11:30 (NIV) But I have been chasing after the wind; making myself exhausted, frustrated, regretful and feeling like a total failure.
As I study the temperaments of humans, I realized that as a Melancholic one of the careers that fit us is social work. Well, I have been doing this kind of work for over 28 years. Melancholics are sacrificial in helping people, but more in an individual basis, not in terms of congregations. We are actually introvert! So, we enjoy helping folks with their problems one-on-one. Melancholics are artistic folks; very creative; that’s why I do have a talent to sing and that’s why I write so much. I have been doing these things even before I became a believer in Christ. Why? Because I enjoy doing these things; it comes easy for me to do these things, because it is what fits me to do; it is what God has equipped me and has gave me to do… it is a part of my DNA.
What is it that I am trying to say? That I was and, I am in the center of God’s will already in terms of what I am called to do. However, I have not been able to find a sense of satisfaction and fulfillment because… well because this prophet or, this pastor here and, this pastor there said that I am supposed to do “other things”. I remember this prophet telling me that I was called to be a millionaire; this other prophet told me that I was supposed to be a world champion in martial arts, this other prophet saw me recording a lot of music and been use by God to minister to thousands, etc. etc. Foolishness!
I feel like David when he was getting ready to fight Goliath; King Saul misguided him and would have probably had David killed. “Then Saul dressed David in his own tunic. He put a coat of armor on him and a bronze helmet on his head. 39 David fastened on his sword over the tunic and tried walking around, because he was not used to them. “I cannot go in these,” he said to Saul, “because I am not used to them.” So he took them off. 40 Then he took his staff in his hand, chose five smooth stones from the stream, put them in the pouch of his shepherd’s bag and, with his sling in his hand, approached the Philistine.” First Samuel 17:38-41 (NIV)
You know the rest of the story; one of the most fascinating and well-known stories in Scripture. We are who we are, and we are uniquely bless by God to do what we are called to do. By now, at my age, time has confirmed what I am and not called to be and do, but the chasing of man-made ideas has cause me a lot of unnecessary grief; a sense of failure; a sense of… “well God is not the problem, obviously the problem is me, I obviously done something wrong and thrown away my call” … A sense of abandonment and great sadness… all because some irresponsible man or woman of God said something about my destiny and about what I am supposed to do based on my appearance and charisma, but it had absolutely nothing to do with what God has call me to do.
This has been my journey this year; not only to know God (A never-ending process), but to know myself; not establishing goals and resolutions but seeking the prophetic vision God has for me; not with somebody else’s tunic and somebody else’s armor, but with what God has given me before the foundation of this earth to be and do. Yes, I have been misguided; perhaps you have been misguided yourself, but we are now on our way to freedom!