Lets face it, some families are dysfunctional; that means that they are essentially not functioning properly; that means that they accept as truth the opposite of what a family should be. Nevertheless, even good parents are not exempt from messing up; every “good” parent will do and say the wrong thing soon or later. It should not surprise anybody, we as humans are spirit, soul and flesh; that flesh in particular does not go away just because you are now a parent. You can read all the books you want and take all the classes you want, you will still do and say the wrong thing every now and then.

         In the complexity of parenthood, part of the problem is that, to start, many of us do not know our biblical role as parents. That reality becomes a foundational problem that will indeed mess-up everything else. I am glad that the Bible is not silent about this topic; the Bible has much to say about parenthood.

         Now, this doing and saying the wrong thing will cause pain and only two things will help us overcome such pain, 1) love, knowing in your heart that your parents loves you and knowing that you love them and, 2) when you yourself become a parent and you, just like your old folks, attempt to be a “good” parent; then you realize that it is not easy!

         Love should be at the center of families. Outside of crazy folks, people love their families; they want the best for their kids and they look out for them in their own way. But lets go a little further on this topic.

         Let me start the heart of this article by stating that what I am about to say may sound weird, but biblically speaking, marriage is overrated, but family is not. If you don’t believe me when I say that marriage is overrated, take a moment and read First Corinthians 7 where the apostle Paul give us the reality of marriage over and over. Now, he is not advocating fornication and extramarital sexual activities and so on. Again, he is just presenting a real perspective of what marriage really is and what we will be facing.

         In First Corinthians 7:28 the Apostle Paul goes as far as saying: “But even if you do marry, you have not sinned; and if a virgin marries, she has not sinned. Nevertheless such will have trouble in the flesh, but I would spare you.” (NKJV) Nothing will make your flesh rise more than marriage! If you have been marry for more than a week, you know exactly what I am talking about.

         In the Old Testament marriage had a few purposes, 1) for the multiplication of God’s people. God told both, Adam and later Noah, to multiply. 2) Marriage was important to preserve the children of Israel from the moral contamination of the world. That is why they were not supposed to marry outside of their own people. It was not a racist thing; it was with the purpose of keeping them holy and 3) It was very important to protect the genealogy of Jesus. Is it amazing that the genealogy of Christ is recorded all the way from Adam?

         The worldly romantic ideas of marriage are not found in the Bible. As a matter of fact, parents were the ones determining whom their children were to marry. However, when it comes down to family, from the Old to the New Testament, family plays a vital role for our formation as Godly people.

         Let me make a biblical point concerning the New Testament. Not caring for our families is consider worst than being a lost person according to First Timothy 5:8, “But if anyone does not provide for his own, and especially for those of his household, he has denied the faith and is worse than an unbeliever.” (NKJV) This verse alone should get our attention, but my focus is going to be on a portion of Scripture in the Old Testament. Abraham was chosen to be the father of the nation of Israel and the father of our faith because his commitment to family. Genesis 18:17-19 tells us,

And the Lord said, Shall I hide from Abraham that thing which I do;

18 Seeing that Abraham shall surely become a great and mighty nation, and all the nations of the earth shall be blessed in him?

19 For I know him, that he will command his children and his household after him, and they shall keep the way of the Lord, to do justice and judgment; that the Lord may bring upon Abraham that which he hath spoken of him. (KJV)

         God knew that Abraham was committed to teach the way of the Lord to his family. Can He say the same about you? Can He say the same about me? The way of the Lord is about teaching our kids justice and judgment according to God, not according to our opinion, our culture, the way we grew up, etc. Now lets look at three words on verse 19 in order to get a better understanding of what our responsibilities as fathers are:

• Command: From the Hebrew word, ṣāwāh: “A verb meaning to order, to direct, to appoint, to command, to charge, to be ordered, to be commanded.”^[1] This is so different from many liberal parents today who seem to let the children be in charge.
• Justice: Is the Hebrew word ṣ^eḏāqāh that speaks of “righteousness (What God accept as right), speaks of blameless conduct, and integrity; right actions, and right attitudes, as expected from both God and people when they judge.”^[2] This is a very practical definition because it deals with teaching our kids to act like they have some Godly sense.
• Judgment: From the Hebrew word mišpāṭ meaning, “A judgment, a legal decision, a legal case, a claim, proper, rectitude. The word connotes several variations in meanings depending on the context. It is used to describe a legal decision or judgment rendered: it describes a legal decision given by God to be followed by the people.”^[3] This could sound complicated, but it is not. This is about parents teaching their children proper decision-making based on God’s Word and not base on their own.

         So, in the mix of our humanity, in the mix of dealing with our flesh through our marriages and in the mix of our mistakes and shortcomings, as fathers these are our vital responsibilities: “to command our children to act like they have Godly sense and to obey HIM.” Wow! This is a personal revelation even as I write these words!

         For those who still don’t get it or don’t know how to start, God did not leave us without a system to follow. Deuteronomy 11:18-21 tells us exactly what to do and the promise attached to doing this,

18 “Therefore you shall lay up these words of mine in your heart and in your soul, and bind them as a sign on your hand, and they shall be as frontlets between your eyes. 19 You shall teach them to your children, speaking of them when you sit in your house, when you walk by the way, when you lie down, and when you rise up. 20 And you shall write them on the doorposts of your house and on your gates, 21 that your days and the days of your children may be multiplied in the land of which the Lord swore to your fathers to give them, like the days of the heavens above the earth. (NKJV)

         We should have family devotionals; we should gather as brothers and sisters with other believers, but as parents, in our daily lives and daily routine we should be parenting. These parents that are always running, running and running and act like their kids soccer team, basketball practice, track competition or whatever else may be, is more important than God’s Word, are going to reap what they are sowing right now.

         Families that never have time for meaningful conversations are lost in their own busyness; the devil have you in his hands by keeping you so busy that you don’t have time to teach anything of value to your kids. You don’t have time to command them and teach them to act like they have Godly sense and to obey God.

         When you sit in your house, your children and you are on your phones; not even in the same room. We are all rushing in the morning, so no time to teach anything there. No time to take a walk and speak about the issues of the heart because you get off late from work and the children are involved in a million extracurricular activities. No time to teach when we lie down, because then we are so exhausted that all we want is to be entertained, watch TV, be on the phone, Facebook, etc. until we just fall asleep. The next day we will do it all over again until one day we realize that we never prioritized what was really important, “to command our children to act like they have Godly sense and to obey God.”

         Whatever else we did, follow our career, even ministry, focus on whatever else, while failing to do what God tells us to do as fathers, will come back to hurt us and our children.

         Now, understand that I am with you on this struggle. I have been working so hard to build a nice barbecue/garden area for us, as a family, to enjoy good food as we gather around the grill and engage in these conversations, but I have to tell you that I have totally fail in that aspect. Kids come grab their burgers, hot dogs, chicken wings or whatever else I have on the grill and inside the house they go, back to their phones and back to their worlds. I have had to force the issue and define the word “cookout”. It is frustrating to me as much as it may be for you, but I still press on, even as, at times, I feel like giving up. It does not happen to me too often, just 7 days out of the week and 365 days out of the year!

         But I finish with these words and in them I find hope, “Train up a child in the way he should go, And when he is old he will not depart from it.” Proverbs 22:6 (NKJV) My job as a dad is to train my kids; train them in what? In the justice and judgment of God! If you have been a coach on any sport you know that they don’t get it right away, it takes time, but what a great feeling when you see things coming together on that athlete. I find hope in knowing that if I don’t quit, one day I will see things coming together in my own children and if you don’t quit, you will be able to see it coming together in yours to.

 

 

^[1] Warren Baker and Eugene E. Carpenter, The Complete Word Study Dictionary: Old Testament (Chattanooga, TN: AMG Publishers, 2003), 942.

^[2] Warren Baker and Eugene E. Carpenter, The Complete Word Study Dictionary: Old Testament (Chattanooga, TN: AMG Publishers, 2003), 939.

^[3] Warren Baker and Eugene E. Carpenter, The Complete Word Study Dictionary: Old Testament (Chattanooga, TN: AMG Publishers, 2003), 687.

The Apostle Paul, in perhaps the greatest expression of transparency seen in Scripture, states,

14 For we know that the law is spiritual, but I am carnal, sold under sin. 15 For what I am doing, I do not understand. For what I will to do, that I do not practice; but what I hate, that I do. 16 If, then, I do what I will not to do, I agree with the law that it is good. 17 But now, it is no longer I who do it, but sin that dwells in me. 18 For I know that in me (that is, in my flesh) nothing good dwells; for to will is present with me, but how to perform what is good I do not find. 19 For the good that I will to do, I do not do; but the evil I will not to do, that I practice. 20 Now if I do what I will not to do, it is no longer I who do it, but sin that dwells in me.

21 I find then a law, that evil is present with me, the one who wills to do good. 22 For I delight in the law of God according to the inward man. 23 But I see another law in my members, warring against the law of my mind, and bringing me into captivity to the law of sin which is in my members. 24 O wretched man that I am! Who will deliver me from this body of death? 25 I thank God—through Jesus Christ our Lord!

So then, with the mind I myself serve the law of God, but with the flesh the law of sin. Romans 7:14-25 (NKJV)

         Nothing that I have found in Scripture better describe the war that is taking place in the inside of us. It is almost a bipolar condition for every believer. Our innermost (Our spirit) desires to serve the law of God. Our minds, the center of our soul, also desires to follow God, but stands in need of restoration (Psalm 23:6).

         We are called to grow in grace and in the knowledge of Christ (2 Peter 3:18), but what gets on the way of that growth? The answer is an unrestored soul and, in a deeper way, our flesh, which desires to serve the law of sin. Was Paul not delivered? Was Paul in need of deliverance? How can a man who was called an apostle, a man who was given divine authority to write more than half of the New Testament be struggling in such way? That is because, even the great Apostle Paul had a flesh, just like you and just like me.

         The mistake of some in the Body of Christ is that they use this reality as an excuse to surrender to a lifestyle of sin. They preach and teach a Gospel with no responsibility and no accountability, a gospel that takes away consequences. What we need to understand is our condition and also God’s provision.

To be continued…

 

So, what is the problem? It started at home; the moment chores were no longer mandatory. The moment the focus of parents became to make their children “happy” by giving them all they want; but let me ask you something, have you ever seen a spoiled child happy?

We have a problem in our society! We started giving birth to our current culture, the moment that earning and working for things became an abomination. We gave birth to this mindset that somebody else MUST give me what I need and what I want.

See, it started at home; parents worked hard to pay the bills; to stay in that home, pay for the electricity, the gas, the phone, the cable, the internet. Dad and mom worked hard to keep the house clean, taking little Bobby to the basketball game, taking little Cathy to the dance classes; but never took the time to teach them responsibilities at home. Bobby can dunk a basketball, but can’t take the trash out! Cathy can do a full split, but can’t wash dishes!

Parents bought them those $100.00 jeans; the $300.00 tennis shoes, the smart phones; can’t forget the smart phones with unlimited data, unlimited texting… unlimited everything, while the house falls apart!

See, you felt guilty because your work stole your time with your children; so, you resolved to give them presents to compensate for your lack of presence! In that, you created a monster; a spoil one.

So now, time has gone by; you are now unhealthy and you need help.  The question is, where are your grown children? Now you are in an assisted living home, your legal guardian and power of attorney is from the State and, where are your children? They don’t come to visit, not even on your birthday, not even on Father’s or Mother’s Day.

You want the truth? They are waiting for you to die so they can take that big house of yours. See, you worked so hard for the house, but you forgot to work hard for your home; you had no concept of what home and family is.

You created this generation; a generation that look for what they can get, not what they can earn.  A generation that looks for what they can have, but not to what they should work for. A generation of here and now! Participation trophies; a generation that was told you can be and have all you want; the teaching of a hyper self-confident; but was not prepare for the realities, failures and loses that will take place in this thing we call life.

They did not include in that teaching that nobody owes you anything and that you are not entitle to anything; that there are no magic formulas; that God gave you gifts and a path to follow and the sooner you discover that the better. But this generation walks around singing “I did it my way.” No respect for authority, no respect for absolutes, no respect for the law and no respect for God.

This is an atheist and amoral generation. But you can’t blame them, you taught them to be like that, the moment you stopped making chores mandatory, the moment your children’s happiness became more important than God. You did not raise them and did not prepare them for, what Rocky describes as, the thing that will hit you the hardest… life.   

They are grown now! They can’t keep a job, you can’t get them out of your house, you can’t count on them, they have no sense of community, no sense of doing for others and no sense of giving. They are attached to their phones; wearing head phones, ignoring the sounds around them; a totally selfish generation with no sense of history. Their world start today and now and they are at the center. So, busy taking videos and photos that they can’t even enjoy what is in front of them.

Yes, and everything started at home, the moment chores were no longer mandatory. The moment the focus of parents became to make their children “happy” by giving them all they want.   

 

No, I am not asking questions regarding race relations in America; I am asking question regarding race relations in the church specifically. Is the 11^th hour on Sundays continues to be the most segregated hour in the United States of America? I believe so! And if that is so, why? Oh no doubts that progress have been made in churches all across this beautiful country, but how many multicultural churches can you find? I know there are a few… yes, a few!

         For the most part people accommodate themselves in a very comfortable zone where the preacher looks and talks like them and where the music is “just right” according to their personal taste. Anything that deviates from that, is not only, not acceptable, but “not of God”; at least that’s the way some see it!

         Now, one can also argue that white churches in general have the tendency to be more doctrinally sound, however, cold in their expression of praise and exaltation of God. For the most part, in a white church you will hear a message that actually comes out of the Bible, but you will not hear much rhythm, you will not hear much clapping, it will be a miracle if you see dancing, (that may be a good thing!) and you will not hear verbal exaltations of our God. For the most part they take a very dignify position. The music is slow and low and basically “Loud” is not acceptable. “Loud” is considered an expression of the flesh and an instrument well and passionately play may be considered a showoff expression.

        Now, on the other side, with the black churches, for the most part, you will get that good rhythm, the voices will be loud, you will actually hear the drums, you will hear shouts and they will not only dance, but run all over the building without running into each other. However, for the most part, especially in the Pentecostal/Charismatic wing on the church, the message will appear to be biblical, but somehow, someway the Bible portion that the preacher took the time to read at the beginning of his sermon, after he finished saluting, recognizing and honoring the deacons, the elders, the bishops and/or anybody else, have no connection with the message whatsoever. Theologically and doctrinally speaking, for the most part, black churches are hurting.

         Now, back to the multicultural churches; every single one I seen, have something in common; the senior pastor is white. Is there any strong multicultural church with a black pastor as the leader that includes a healthy participation of the strong white man as a member? I have not seen one yet. You can get the white woman to be a part of a church where the Pastor/Elder is black, but with the exception a of a very few white males, segregation continues.

         Perhaps, no other country in the world has to deal with this mess as closely as America, but that is our condition now. I do not blame the white male for refusing to serve under a black church where the pastor is not honoring and respecting the Word as he should. That is not racism; that is actually obedience to the Word! I can’t blame a black man for refusing to serve in a church where he needs to keep his soul down and low from praising the Lord! On this matter, the Bible supports the black man’s position also.

         What I do know is that before the coming of the Lord we will be a family, we will be the family of God under the culture of HIS Word.