On August of 2010, Presbyter José Bosque told me about blogging using wordpress.com and about the opportunity of writing on a consistence basis. José told me that it was free and easy to set up. On August 9, 2010 I started blogging! The first few blogs I posted were previous writings I had written for jaxchristian.com. Later, this blog became a mirror of my heart. The following articles represent some of those initial entries at angelcasiano.com:

 

 

My Beginning at The End of The Road

 

My Irrevocable Gift and Irreversible Call

 

 

 

http://jaxchristian.com/

This is how our current statistics looks like:

 

Views Per Years

Year	Total
2010	4,371
2011	21,202
2012	22,373

 

Average of Daily Views per Year

Year	Overall
2010	30
2011	58
2012	101

 

 

Since February 25, 2012 these are the views per nations:

 

Country	Views
United States	8892
United Kingdom	736
Mexico	708
India	621
Canada	582
Philippines	573
Australia	506
Colombia	503
Argentina	281
Peru	255
South Africa	247
Chile	235
Spain	233
Indonesia	219
Brazil	214
Venezuela	199
Nigeria	131
Netherlands	121
Malaysia	119
Saudi Arabia	117
New Zealand	114
Puerto Rico	114
France	110
Germany	108
Italy	105
Singapore	100
Ecuador	100
Pakistan	99
Guatemala	98
Jamaica	92
Costa Rica	81
Thailand	80
Egypt	75
Turkey	73
Dominican Republic	71
Poland	68
Republic of Korea	68
Greece	63
Hong Kong	62
Taiwan	61
Croatia	60
Viet Nam	55
Sweden	54
Hungary	54
United Arab Emirates	54
Denmark	52
El Salvador	51
Romania	49
Japan	48
Russian Federation	48
Ghana	47
Sri Lanka	47
Czech Republic	44
Israel	43
Trinidad and Tobago	41
Serbia	38
Bulgaria	37
Portugal	36
Belgium	36
Austria	35
Ireland	34
Norway	34
Ukraine	32
Kenya	31
Bolivia	30
Panama	29
Paraguay	27
Finland	27
Lebanon	24
Switzerland	24
Slovakia	23
Nicaragua	23
Iceland	20
Malta	20
Georgia	19
Jordan	18
Slovenia	17
Honduras	17
Algeria	16
Lithuania	16
Tunisia	16
Bahamas	15
Latvia	14
Albania	14
United Republic of Tanzania	14
Cyprus	13
Bosnia and Herzegovina	12
Bermuda	11
Nepal	11
Bangladesh	11
Uganda	10
Moldova	10
Macedonia	9
Kuwait	9
Qatar	8
Uruguay	7
Armenia	6
Malawi	6
Morocco	6
Cambodia	6
Iraq	6
Namibia	6
Côte d’Ivoire	5
Mauritius	5
Oman	5
Bahrain	5
Azerbaijan	5
Afghanistan	4
Mongolia	4
Estonia	4
Zimbabwe	4
Botswana	4
Syrian Arab Republic	4
Grenada	4
Gibraltar	3
AP	3
Netherlands Antilles	3
Guam	3
Haiti	3
Montenegro	3
Eritrea	3
CW	2
Swaziland	2
Belarus	2
Zambia	2
Papua New Guinea	2
Faroe Islands	2
Fiji	2
Guyana	2
Martinique	2
EU	2
Maldives	2
Cameroon	2
Belize	1
Virgin Islands	1
Kyrgyzstan	1
Dominica	1
Guinea-Bissau	1
Barbados	1
American Samoa	1
Luxembourg	1
Brunei Darussalam	1
Solomon Islands	1
Palestinian Territory, Occupied	1
Saint Lucia	1
Rwanda	1
Cayman Islands	1
Ethiopia	1
Turks and Caicos Islands	1
	1

 

As you can see, we continue to grow! This blog has given me the opportunity and privilege to minister to someone around the world every single day. I write these blogs as I go through suffering, failures, awful mistakes, and at times frustrations. And I continue to write through beautiful, exciting breakthroughs, and new beginnings. I must give all glory to God!

 

I want to thank God for Presbyter José Bosque, for encouraging and inspiring me to start this journey of writing on a consistence basic.

 

I want to thank God for my son Angelo Casiano for always taking the time to edit my work.

 

I want to thank God for my good friend Dennis Owens who took the time and continue to read and comment on our entries. Dennis has also written a few articles with us.

 

A special thanks to the man used by God to minister the Gospel to me, Mr. Doug Berrenguer.

 

I want to thank God with all of my heart for the wife HE has given me…I am so bless to call you my wife Rayette, I am truly a bless man!

 

Finally, I want to thank God for all of you, Thank You for reading our blog…May God continue to bless you all!

 “…As surely as the LORD lives, who has delivered me out of every trouble…” (1 King 1:29)

            I heard a cry from the Father: “Trust Me.”

            “Remove my pain; I am terrified of my nightmares. My secret place is filled with death; regret and a deep sadness…help me Lord!” was all I could reply!

            I cannot say that I did trust Him; I wish I could stand today, giving an amazing testimony of faith and devotion to God. But the reality is that I did not trust my Father. I went for Ishmael-decisions and suffered devastating consequences.

            At the Mathews Bridge in Jacksonville, I found myself in the middle of the night. There is something about the dark hour of our souls, the place where hope is removed out of our minds, a place where we see no way out, no purpose, no reason for existing. The terrifying darkness of the St Johns River looked attractive to me that night as cars passed by; people totally unaware of the suicidal thoughts in my mind. Why stay? What for? All is turned up-side down; the woman of my youth stepped into eternity way, too soon for me; my new marriage was destroyed; my children were manifesting their pain in their own ways. I felt like it was all my fault and perhaps it was!

            Why stay? What for? Now, in my forties, I am able to see how worthless I truly was; how much I truly needed God…I saw the nastiness of my own heart! Decisions made out of God’s will always possess devastating consequences. Up to that point, I was convinced that my “desert” was over; that I was going to be able to laugh again, be excited about coming home again, be happy about ministry again…but that night, at the Matthews Breach in Jacksonville, was my wake-up call; the desert was not over; the agonizing heat of the desert was just getting started. Why stay? What for? But the voice of the Holy Spirit spoke with urgency: “Angel: I am not done with you!” How can that be? How can you not be done with me? Look at how far I’ve fallen? Those words were enough to keep me alive. The desert did not end there, but a couple years of more hell went by.

            Today, I see the stars and they are shinning more than ever; today, I see the beauty of the moon; I enjoy the dances of the sea, I can hear the songs of the birds; I can sing a new song to my Father. He is faithful, He restored my soul, and I am alive again. Such great love, I can’t comprehend, I can’t express; even with the blessing of knowing two languages! The desert is behind me; I don’t know if I will return one day, but I am stepping into the abundance of joy, the excitement of hope and the amazing feeling of purpose. I repented; God forgave me and it’s time to move on. This fight is not over; somebody better let the devil know that I am not done with him. I am coming forward in the name of Jesus; the giants can’t stand before me, the mountains will be casted into the sea. God is with me and if He is with me…who dare can stand against me. Why stay? What for? Turn the page and you will see!

           Well, even as my birthday is overshadowed by Prince William and Kate Middleton’s little wedding, (LOL) I want to write a few things on this, my birthday. For many years; as a child, teen and young adult, I was convinced that I was to die before twenty five. I was convinced that someone was going to kill me or that I was going to die in a car accident or something! What a way to live; especially without Christ!

            At 43, I can look back and see so many mistakes; so many areas that I’ve messed-up so badly; truly, the mercies of God overwhelms my heart to this day. Today I am totally healed from the death of my first wife, Ileana. I heard people say that it took them three years, others five years and even some that never experience healing. Beloved, without Christ, we can’t be healed!

            I remember trying to get drunk shortly after Ileana’s death. At night, when I did not have to be “The Man of God;” in the place where no one was looking and the place where I was comfortable showing my weaknesses…, the pain became unbearable. So, I decided to change my appearance, go into a liquor store in Gates County, North Carolina; and buy some Bacardi to medicate that pain. I drank almost the whole thing at once and it was like drinking water…it did absolutely nothing to me! I wept before the Lord and asked Him to take the pain away; He told me “No, all you have to do is trust Me”. God did not allow me, because of His mercies, to become an alcoholic. That healing came this year; almost six years later!

            Three years ago, as I was facing unbelievable circumstances in my new marriage, I considered jumping off the Matthews Bridge in the middle of a dark night to put an end to my miserable and purposeless life. But again, the Holy Spirit told me, “Angel, I am not done with you!” God is real for me; it is not a church event, a position of leadership or just a song…God saved my life! God stopped me from destroying my life through alcohol and from taking my life in that dark night in March. I love HIM with a passion because I don’t deserve such love, I am nothing, and I even turned my back on HIM. I stopped loving HIM, I stopped serving HIM and I stopped considering HIM. But, praise be to God.

            The divorce process is not an easy process; but I am almost totally healed by the grace of God. I desire nothing but the best for my former wife; she did the best she could, under very difficult circumstances. May the Lord bless her and her children; I am sure God has great things for her!

            Today, I find myself full of joy, I find myself at peace and with a greater intimacy with the Lord. God is indeed good! I look to the future with great expectation! God has already shown me a piece of the promise land. Happy birthday to me!

             

            As I sat in my car looking at my daughter practicing basketball, a few thoughts crossed my mind. It have been a tough and long season of troubles, pains, mistakes, bad decisions, regrets and the bitter taste of sin. But as I watch my daughter running up and down the court I suddenly realize that I am free. Not free just because I was sorry, but free because God blessed me with the grace to repent.

            I surely mess-up in so many ways; I surely deserve nothing but the flames of hell, but today I am free indeed. The “Balaams” of this world prepared to articulate their curses over my life, but God declared me free. I am free to go after God with all my heart and without distractions. Today I am free to be the father that God wants me to be. I have many personal challenges, but God has given me the courage to face my giants; the power to kill them and the anointing to live the life He wants me to live.

            I am not condemned, I am not discouraged, I am not disqualified and I will not allow the accuser of my soul to keep me bound.  I can see the turning, I can see the good and I can see the light. God will get the glory in my life; He is greater, without measure, than any giant in my life. The land of my promise awaits; the land of my promise is mine.

            I see my daughter who at six lost her mom; who tragically saw her dad at his worst as he engaged in a second marriage. My princess endureth the pain of not knowing what was next. Ileana, like her mom, Jubi as I commonly called her; there she is jumping so high! I saw her as she went through five elementary schools; changed of people, changed of neighborhoods; but here she walks into this practice, this new team, like she is being here forever. God knows how to turn things around. There is my princess, in the center of the court, strong, courageous and fearless. New coach, new teammates, hard practice, but there she is pressing on… This is your day baby! Life surely has made you tough! My baby can sweeten your soul with a song and be your worst nightmare on the court. Go Jubilee go! Your daddy is surely proud of you!

                   Today, I have a greater sense of who I am and most of all, who God is. Today I embrace holiness; I just don’t preach about dying to self; I want to die to self. Today I have experienced some of the greatest victories of my life and the best is yet to come. Today, I am writing for the glory of God, I am ministering to the many out of the sincerity of my story and not out of a false image of me. The focus is on God and not on me. Today, God is opening doors and giving me new passions. Today, I can hear the new songs decorating the sounds of my soul. God is guiding me, God loves me and God is restoring me.

            My children are my children; three precious gifts given to me from the Father. I am who I am… a mighty man of God in His hands. The devil is a lair; this is not the end, but just the beginning. I am still standing, but not just standing; I am walking, but not just walking, I am walking with God. I am running, not running away, but running with the vision that God has for my life. I am in the ring, not alone, not just in the ring, but fighting… throwing my jab, throwing my cross, throwing my hooks and coming up with a mighty upper-cup with enough force to destroy the jaw of the devil and of any spirit that is rising up against the will of God in my life and in the life of my children.

            I am loved by the Father, saved by the Son and comforted by the Spirit. I can’t lose, I can’t fail and victory is for sure, mine. No matter the weapons that are formed against me, no matter the opinions of my enemies, no matter my own doings of the past…I am moving forward with a mighty army of purpose in the Lord, with the promises over my life, surrounded by a troop of Godly friends; friends like Doug Berrenguer who God used to bring me the message of salvation. Friends like Presbyter Bosque who reminded me of what I am to do for God’s glory. Friends like Pastor Gerald Cruse who took the time to teach me what I am to be and formed in me a desire to be holy. Friends like Reggie Bridges that with his humility and joy gives me an example of Godliness every day. I thank God for Pastor Wallace for reminding me that my call is irrevocable and for my therapist Phill Hartland who God used to show me the true condition of my heart and to change my way of thinking. I thank God for the Prophetic Warrior that dared to speak life in the middle of my desert.  I thank God for friends like Frank, Dennis, James and Pacheco who love me in spite of me, but love me even more to challenge my ways. Friends like Minister Tracie P. Shellman and her husband who ministered the Word of the Lord for me and my children in the Living Room of their homes as if we were a thousand souls. Friends like Leavonda Battle that with her testimony alone lifted my spirit and gave me the hope of overcoming. Friends like Charles Couret and his lovely wife who God used to write a song for me that was so full of God that it resurrected my desire to sing again. Friends, so, many friends…I am sure I left out many. I thank God for each and every one of them that took the time to speak and write into my life and the life of my children; friends like Helen Olenjin who always wrote me words of light. Since I am thanking friends, why not recognize my parents Norma and Luis and my brother Carlos; surely there was no need for Lie Detectors with them; their love for me is surely unconditional. What about my children? I thank God for each one of them; for their help in keeping me focus on what is important. With the sounds of trumpets and drums of war, I am looking forward, not to the left, not to the right and not looking back… Victory is mine; failure is not an option… I am more than an overcomer in Christ my Savior and my Lord. To God be the glory and thank you to all my friends!

“Two and Half Years Later”

            Two and a half years have gone by since I wrote “Yes, I Still Believe.” (https://angelcasiano.wordpress.com/2010/12/18/yes-i-still-believe-part-1/) I forgot that I even wrote those words! As I was looking for something else on my AOL Saved Mail, I ran into this writing. Time surely does not stop for anyone! The fact that I forgot about these words is prophetic because the reality is that the time came shortly after, where I lost my faith. I disconnected from God and everything that had to do with God: Church, fellowship, old friends, the reading of Scripture, Prayer, etc. I felt like a dead man walking. I was still going to work; I was still doing enough to be considered a “good citizen;” you know, the ones who pay their taxes and do all the basic things required in society. Inside, however, I was rotten. I was surely walking as an empty image. It is funny because physically I found myself in one of my best times, probably the best physical shape I have been in the last ten years. I went to work and then to the Gym; the Gym actually became my refuge. I worked so hard on my physical appearance, but my spiritual life, I neglected like never before in my life.

            I embraced walking in the flesh! It was almost like I justifying what I was doing and saying because all that I have gone through. The lost of my first wife to cancer, raising my children alone, facing sexual molestation in my family as I re-married, one of my sons battering homosexuality, the other battering an autistic and psychotic diagnosis and the challenges attached to that, separation from my second wife, trying to care for my daughter as she faces her own normal girl challenges, false accusations, etc. gave me the perfect excuses to go after my flesh and live a life of blaming others, blaming it on circumstances and even putting the blame on God for all of my mess. “I have the right to go crazy!” I told myself many times. I walked full of self-pettiness!

            Two and half years later I am no longer blaming circumstances and people for my mess. I thank God for circumstances and people as they brought the true condition of my heart to the light of my reality. Circumstances and people did not make me do anything; that “nasty stuff” was already in my heart. Circumstances and people just contribute to bringing that mess out…thank God for that!

 

Enter into his gates with thanksgiving, and into his courts with praise: be thankful unto him, and bless his name. (Palm 100:4)

            The spirit of ungratefulness is robbing us the manifested presence of God. Without thanksgiving it is impossible to experience the presence of the Living God. On this Thanksgiving Day we are particularly reminded of the amazing power of the simple act of being grateful.

            Today I am grateful that God did not leave me in my mess. I am grateful that He save my soul even before I consider His ways.  I am grateful for His uncompromised love for me. I am grateful for my children and for what He is doing in their lives. I am grateful for the dark days because today I can appreciate the light a little more. I am grateful for my parents, my siblings and my amazing friends. I am grateful for my job at The City Rescue Mission. I am grateful for the lessons I have learn from my Daddy. I am so grateful for the insight the Lord is giving me concerning The Christian Life; for the amazing victories the Lord is giving me over the Giants in my life. Thank you Father that generational curses are being pulverized! I thank God for this blog and for allowing me to write for His glory; for the hope of even a greater future, for breakthroughs, prophetic words and for what is yet to come. I thank God for failures and for the exposure of my heart for this process humbled me. I thank God for a roof over my head and because I have never experience hunger; because truly I have more than enough! I thank God for His grace that gives me all of these things I do not deserve and I thank God for His mercy that holds back the eternal punishment that I truly deserve. For the deep knowing that no matter the end-result of certain things and situations, God is God and HE will continue to be God. For these things and so much more… Thank you Daddy!

Tell me, what you grateful for today?

Happy Thanksgiving to all!

I feel  disqualified to write, to preach and to teach God’s Word. It is truly something when we are face-to-face with the awful condition of our hearts. I still wake up in the morning with a sense of emptiness; I still feel the darkness of a cloud that oppresses my emotions every day; I still battle in my mind the thoughts that come to steal my peace.  It still hurts! I stand in need of God’s mercies everyday and for the first time in my life I have a recognition and awareness in my spirit that without the Lord I don’t have a chance. I am in His hands. Every day that goes by that I don’t entertain sexual immorality I praise Him and give Him glory; for even in my dreams His power is made real in my life. I am not trying, for I did that for a long time and failed miserably; I am surrendering to God in every thought, every emotion, every temptation and every frustration. The Lord is my Sheppard! I come home to my children and I see them grow! God has not abandon us! I see the faces of my friends and I sense there uncompromising love. There is a fountain flowing within me; it is a fountain that quenches my thirst and takes away my hunger. God is with me! I keep moving on in His name. I accept my mistakes! Why in my pride was I so surprised? For I am nothing without the Lord, but in Christ I can do all things!

            I looked for a prophet that would declare life in a valley of dry bones and the prophet was never found. Like a wave braking at our coast; like the last smoke of a giant fire, like a sporadic breeze that refreshes our bodies was our version of love. What was, was not supposed to be; what is, is not really. Images of perfection, but nothing was found inside.  “Was not,” will never last; circumstances are just excuses to tell a story of the failure that was destined from the beginning. The curiosity was satisfied; the manipulations can’t go any further. Real is real and fake is fake.

            Real love never fails; imitations are never able to continue for long. It was all a great tunnel of deception with great hidden agendas. When reality showed up, the ending was inevitable. Compassion did not exist; selfishness ruled. The cruelty of a heart governed after its self can never achieve deeper relationships. Where there is no love, there is fear; where there is fear, there is no faith, where there is no faith, sin reigns; and where there is sin, God cannot bless.

            So much can be said; so many ways of telling the same story; so many perspectives and opinions; but at the end…what was, was not supposed to be; what is, is not really. Images of perfection, but nothing was found inside. The one that blames will continue to blame, the one that refuses to forgive will never forgive. The arrogant will always pride themselves in self-righteousness and the cower will always run in times of tribulation.

            I see the children restored; I see them better than us. The fight was too intense for the weak to bear; love was not enough to accept the humanity of the other and friendship; a pathetic request for a friendship that was never there! The excuses of an event are what it is…an excuse; destined for failure, can never be restored. What was, was not supposed to be; what is, is not really. Images of perfection, but nothing was found there. So much arrogance, so much worldly ways to facing life’s troubles; everything is seen through the glass of black-and-white; them-against-us, me against you and you-against-me. No personal responsibilities. Wise on the vanity of self-opinions and people that darkened the counsel of the God of all ages…What a dangerous place to be in! They view themselves as doves, but they are really vipers; snakes who seduce with their strange movements and crush the very lives and dreams out of your soul.

            But I rejoice, for my God, in His love for me, showed me who I am and brought to light the infections of my heart. I am now on the surgical table. Yes! God is changing me; generational curses are dropping like flies; just as the father of all flies knows that His time is short. I am out of my cave of shame and out of the cave of the blamed. I am Angel Casiano, a son of the Living God. You mess with my destiny, you mess with my God. Who is judging? Who are they? Do they qualify? Do they have anything to show for? Does the fornicator judge the adulterous? How can that be? Are they free from sin? A hint of sexual immorality is not allowed according to what God establishes; so who are they to condemn anybody forever? Have they ever heard about God’s mercies? Do they even know about Jesus grace? They are like the Pharisees of our time.

            My time is here; the turning I see…God will forever love me! Hope has arrived and is riding me out of this awful and costly mistake. Reality is set, the truth is now clear. After so many warnings, like the song of the fighter, “There’s no easy way out”. Today, in this new beginning, I find myself repenting for trying to make something out of something that should have never been. I am guilty for the decisions I have made; I am guilty for the things I have said; but I gave all to Him who forgave all of my sins. I now step into tomorrow; no time to look back. The lessons were real; the pains at times were unbearable; but God’s faithfulness was stronger than all. I am somebody in Jesus; my call is not far gone. Used and misused I feel at times but, who cares? I have some ways to go; my heart is not totally there, but a new chapter has opened by the power of the Holy Ghost!