Reflexiones en Mi Primer Aniversario de Bodas

En Diciembre del 2004 mi vida cambiaría para siempre con el diagnóstico de cáncer de la madre de mis hijos. En Diciembre del 2005 sería el comienzo de mi propia muerte y del reflejo real de la condición putrefacta de mi corazón cuando la vi morir. No tan solo que he conocido de forma íntima la pérdida de una esposa, también conozco el dolor devastador del divorcio.


¡Para mi, era mi final! El telón de una vida con potencial de grandes cosas caía y anunciaba mi despedida en deshonrosa del escenario que conocemos como…la vida. Sí, mi vida, una vida que ha sido manchada con tragedia, una vida de muchas faltas, muchos errores y enormes montes de pecado. Hoy estoy en pie, no por quien soy, mas porque Dios me ha perdonado y no tan solo perdonado, mas también restaurado.

Hoy celebro un año de casado con mi querida esposa Rayette y mientras medito en este día, mi mente se llena de estos pensamientos: Rayette ha sido el regalo que no me merezco, la expresión de la misericordia de Dios. Soy un hombre bendecido, soy un hombre feliz, lleno de esperanza y de muchas fuerzas. Rayette es un nuevo comenzar y un regreso maravilloso a los caminos que Dios me ordenó caminar. Gracias Dios por Rayette y gracias Rayette por aceptarme aún en mi peor momento.

A Song and A Prayer for My New Family

I am so thankful to God for what He is doing in my life! This video took place during our wedding; I did not sing at my best, but I felt God’s presence and I declare this prayer to be prophetic for the Casianos as we come together as a new family! I have so much to look forward to!

From Doctor Jones to Rayette Part V

Time was running out; my love for her was rapidly increasing and we both found ourselves weeping with the idea of her departure. Reality started sinking in: Rayette was on her way to leave for a far away island for at least two years. It was now Wednesday May 11, 2011, only a couple of days for Rayette to truly make an official trip even more official. I was feeling depressed in my job all day long; I could not see myself having Rayette going so, far away from me. That Wednesday, I told my children, “There is a time where a man has to do what a man has to do.”

            I got in my car that night and started driving to North Carolina to surprise Rayette and tell her face-to-face: “Por favor, no te vayas, te lo suplico.” (Rough translation: I was about to beg for her not to go!) I was tired that night, but I wanted to drive until I was about two and half hours from her job. I called her through the night as we repeatedly told each other how much we miss each other. Everything worked out as plan; I wanted to be at her job to surprise her with a red flower at around 2:00 PM on Thursday May 12, 2011.

       As I arrived at her job with my flower and saw Rayette, I saw a woman crying and laughing at the same time. I proceeded to then beg her not to go. It was, without a doubt, one, if not the most, beautiful moment in my life. Rayette decided not to go and ever since, we have made a few trips back and forth from Florida to North Carolina and vice-versa. Our children are fully aware of our new found love and we are looking forward to being able to marry, soon. Rayette is simply perfect for me! For now, I will stop writing about this story, but I have the feeling that this is just the beginning!


From Doctor Jones to Rayette Part IV

I have prayed much in my life; as a matter of fact, one of my deepest desires is to be a true man of prayer. I have fallen short many times in my time with God and in the meditation of His ways; but in my life, I remember three life-changing prayers that were honored by God.

     I prayed for my first wife Ileana to be saved; three weeks later she accepted the Lord as her Lord and Savior. I am so glad to know that she is with the Lord right now and that one day I will see her again. I prayed for a daughter after listening to a song entitled Butterfly Kisses ( by Bob Carlisle. Nine months later, my daughter Jubilee was born. I will never forget those prayers. However, in April of this year I found myself praying another desperate life changing prayer. I prayed for a wife, I prayed for my suitable helper.

          I got on my knees and I described the personality that I wanted for my wife. I wanted her to be black, sweet, involved in ministry in her local church and to know Spanish. Surely, God is my witness that I was not thinking about Dr. Jones. I had more than enough reasons to believe that that was not even a possibility. But a few days after that, I receive a friend request from a lady by the name of Rayette Pollard; her profile photo was a bench next to a beautiful beach, so I did not know who this person was. But she identified herself as, formerly known, Dr. Jones. My heart dropped with excitement. I immediately told my parents, who were visiting me, look who I found on Facebook? As I mentioned Dr. Jones, I could see the positive reaction of my parents and even my brother Carlos. I initiated my first communication by writing:

“Hello Doctor; I was just thinking about you the other day. I am so glad that you found me. Much to talk about. My parents are here with me and I gave them your message. They were so happy to hear from you also. We remember you with such respect and admiration. Did you move?”

She replied:

“I haven’t moved yet. We leave May 20th. We are heading for the Marshall Islands, more specifically Kwajalein. I used to live there in elementary school. I think of you and your family often. I pray things are going well down in FL. But then again, it’s FL so it could never be that bad. 🙂 My children and I have visited FL for the past two summers and we absolutely love it. I think about your Jonah message A LOT. I don’t know if you remember it, but I sure do. It’s helped me on more than one occasion that’s for sure. I’d love to catch up. Feel free to email me at ___________________or call ____________________anytime in the evening. I’ll be home packing (if I’m smart) otherwise I’ll be sitting on my couch being lazy. Lol”

     And just like that; this was how this whole thing started. Rayette and I have spoken every day since. I believe that a Prophetess put it best when she told me: “Even as you guys only know each other for an apparent short period of time; you guys knew each other’s spirits from the beginning.”

     Very quickly, I realized that this is the woman I prayed for; this is the woman that proves that God always has more; this is indeed, my future wife. But there was a problem. Rayette had gone through her own valley of suffering and Rayette was ready to leave as she accepted a job more than seven thousand miles away.

        Rayette needed to come to Florida for some classes that she needed to have for her new job. I told myself, “We will be able to know if what we feel is real or not.” From the moment I saw Rayette, I realized that which I was feeling for her was real. I started realizing another beautiful truth; what she was feeling for me was also, real. Now it is for sure; I love this lady and she loves me, but there was a problem, she was still leaving…


From Doctor Jones to Rayette Part III

A little over a month before I was to return to Jacksonville, Florida; the Lord gave me a message entitled: “On the Other Side of the Valley of Suffering.” By that time, I already resigned as a Pastor, so I had nothing to do on Sundays. The Lord specifically told me, I want you to preach this message wherever I open a door until you leave to Jacksonville. At that moment, I had no invitations to preach anywhere; but the invitations started coming very quickly.

     The next four Sundays, I preached in different churches and in obedience to God, I preached that message: “On the Other Side of the Valley of Suffering.” That message was used by God to bless many people! I always started this message by telling people about me leaving and getting married and so on.

        One of the invitations I received was to preach at Pastor Eric’s church (The Upper Room Assembly in Gatesville). There I saw Dr. Jones for the last time before I left. I heard that she was a member there; but for some reason, it still was a surprise for me to see her. I remember very vividly that I was struggling with the idea of speaking about me leaving and getting married. The struggle was directly connected with the fact that Doctor Jones was there. I tried my best not to look at her; it was hard to focus that day.

      At the end of the service, I ministered to many people by praying for them. One person that made the line for prayer was Dr. Jones. I prayed for what she requested prayer for. I will not share her request out of respect for her privacy; but that was my last interaction with Doctor Jones. A few days after that, on December 1, 2007; I was on my way to Jacksonville with my three children; I was convinced that I was coming out of the valley of suffering; but in actuality, I was about to get deeper into it. The valley of suffering is not the emphasis of this story; you can look at my blog and get a good idea of that dark season in my life


From Doctor Jones to Rayette Part II

I believe that I sporadically saw Doctor Jones a couple of times after our first encounter; but it was more like a “hi” and “bye” thing for me. She actually worked within walking distance of my office at The Gates County Department of Social Services. I also believed that we spoke over the phone once, but it was all business related.

      The reason for our second encounter was because my daughter hurt herself playing in the playground. Jubi, my daughter, did not mention anything to me until that night. I was, at that time, raising my two boys and my daughter by myself. Jubi came to me and told me that she was hurting; she was hurting in her private part.

     I was so nervous; I did not know what to do! I encouraged Jubi to keep me informed about her pain and the next day I was going to take her to The Gates County Medical Center. Early that morning, I showed up with my daughter at the Medical Center for a walk-in. Again, people are so nice in that clinic! I did not wait much at all before Doctor Jones was examining my daughter.

     I don’t know exactly what she did, but she assured me that everything would be fine and Doctor Jones was right. I was feeling a whole lot better and that was probably the first time that I relaxed a little in the presence of Doctor Jones. In our small conversation I informed her that my birthday was approaching and that there was going to be a celebration taking place in my church. I added that I would love for her to come with her family. Never in a million years did I imagine that Dr. Jones was going to show up at my church, but she did.

      Out of all the people that came to my birthday, it was Doctor Jones that I appreciated the most. It was truly sweet to see her there. I wanted to talk to her so much. Many days before, I wanted to call her and ask her out on a date; but I could not make myself do such thing. Again, I was engaged and I was also a pastor. We spoke on my birthday about a few things that I don’t even remember; but I remember how good I felt having Doctor Jones come to my birthday.

      My parents lived with me in North Carolina for a season and during that time, Doctor Jones became their doctor. My mom in particular, became good friends with her. My mom knew much about the personal life of our beloved, little county, doctor.

      During the time that I moved to the center of the county (Gatesville), Doctor Jones was a good friend with my next door neighbor. What a pleasant surprise I received when I saw her! However, I saw her with another man, so I was convinced that Doctor Jones was already taken (I was wrong, that man was just a friend from church!) and again, I reminded myself that I was engaged and that I was a pastor. As always, Doctor Jones was so, very kind; we said “hi” to each other and as always, I found a way of cutting our conversation short.


From Doctor Jones to Rayette Part I

Let me then write the story of the beginning of my new found love:

     I was a widow when I saw her for the second time; I was a pastor in North Carolina and a wounded man who was missing his wife of eighteen years, miserably. I was also engaged to one that was not really the one, but who helped me to medicate the pain of my wife who was gone.

      I was miserable, I was engaged and falsely looking for a breakthrough in that new relationship; but all the red flags that could possibly be raised, were there! Nevertheless, I pressed on; “It will be better when we get married; it will all work-out at the end.” I foolishly told myself many times! I left North Carolina and returned to Jacksonville to marry this woman; and everything that could possibly go wrong, went wrong.

      So I found myself alone again with my three children; even more miserable than I was before! I was with enough grace to work and with enough grace to raise my children, but felt lonely in the midst of so many people. But God…

      My new found love is Rayette! When I first saw Rayette; she was known as Doctor Jones. She was, indeed, the doctor for the whole community of Gates County in North Carolina; the county where I used to reside. I am not one to visit the doctor too often, but this thing was bothering me so much, that I set an appointment with this…Dr. Jones.

      I was convinced, for whatever reason that I was going to meet with a man…a Doctor Man; especially for the issue that I was going for; I really preferred a Male Doctor! I was finally called by the nurse; it was not a long wait; people were truly nice in the small Gates County Medical Center. The nurse did the routinely things and I was now waiting to see the doctor.

      A few minutes later, Dr. Jones joined me in that room. Dr. Jones came in and I was trying my best to keep it cool…Doctor Jones was not a man, but a beautiful, slender, kind, sweet black woman whom I found out very quickly, knew more Spanish than any average American. However, I saw her for the first time under very difficult circumstances. It was not until later that I realize that I saw Rayette for the first time the day before my first wife die; December 28, 2005.


La Fidelidad de Dios

La vida verdaderamente da muchas vueltas. Después de la muerte de Ileana el día 29 de Diciembre del 2005 sentí que el mundo se desbarataba alrededor mío. Muchos corren a las drogas y al alcohol para aliviar el dolor de sus penas. En mi caso, yo salté a una relación que verdaderamente no era de Dios. Cometí uno o quizás el error más grande de mi vida. Increíblemente, la canción favorita mía desde niño era “El Triste” escrita por el autor Roberto Cantoral  e inmortalizada por el Cantante Mejicano José José. Con el tiempo yo pasé a vivir esa canción en mi vida. Fueron cinco largos años de amargura y mucho dolor. Mas hoy yo puedo declarar las palabras del Salmista en el Salmo 30:11 cuando dice:

“Has cambiado mi lamento en baile;
    me quitaste la ropa áspera y me vestiste de alegría.”


¡Hoy día soy un hombre feliz! Nada hice por mi propia fuerza, no soy un hombre súper poderoso de increíble fe. Soy un fracasado que falló de mil maneras cuando la aflicción se intensificó en mi vida. No tengo de que exaltarme, pero tengo muchos motivos para exaltar a mi Cristo. El fue fiel cuando yo fui totalmente infiel.

Hoy día Dios me ha devuelto la pasión por el ministerio; hoy día Dios ha mantenido a  mis hijos y puedo echar un vistazo a las maravillas que El va a hacer con ellos y hoy día tengo una mujer que me ama y a la cual amo incontrolablemente.

Esa fue la mujer que debió ser mi esposa después de la muerte de Ileana, pero en mi carnalidad y ceguera espiritual no presté atención y por poco la pierdo. Miro al futuro con mucho anhelo, esperando el día en que nos casaremos. Mi vida no se ha acabado, apenas comienza. Dios me ha regalado una mujer Cristiana, que ama a Dios, que toca piano, que canta, que dirige la alabanza y sirve a los niños en su Iglesia local. Una sierva indescriptible con la cual quiero compartir mi vida. Esta maravillosa mujer es de descendencia India y Afroamericana y tal y como se la pedí a Dios, sabe hablar Español. Seremos una familia de ocho; sus tres niñas, mis dos varones y mi nena nos darán seis hijos… ¡Gloria a Dios! Yo soy absolutamente, nada especial; a Dios sea toda la gloria. ¡Confía en la fidelidad de Dios!

En Agosto de este año me regreso a Carolina del Norte para continuar la obra que Dios comenzó en mi vida. Puedo decir, para mi vergüenza, que dejé Iglesia y ministerios en rebeldía a Dios y por eso pagué un gran precio. Mas Dios ha tornado toda esa aflicción para mi propio bien. Hermanos, Dios es fiel, es bueno y verdadero. No importa por lo que estés pasando, confía en El y verás Su Gloria en esta dimensión de vida.