It has been my deepest and most sincere desire, for many years, to be a man of prayer. I desire to enjoy a great intimacy with Jesus. I like the idea of spending hours in God’s Word, in worship and in prayer. At times I feel like I am getting there, but many times I have allowed the busyness and distractions of life to take me away from that amazing path. I also enjoy, with all of my heart, ministering to people under God’s anointing. I remember the excitement I felt, as I was getting ready to preach the Word; I actually told the Lord many times, “If you take me out now, I will die happy.” However, both of these passions were lost out of my heart after December 29, 2005 when my first wife Ileana died of cancer. At the time of her death I was on my six month as a Pastor of a small local bilingual church in Winton, North Carolina. December 29th, 2005 marked the beginning of the process where I realized the nastiness of my own heart. I failed in so many ways!
Sunday November 30th, 2006 marked my official last day as a Senior Pastor. Less than a year after the death of my first wife I was on my way back to Jacksonville, Florida ready to start another marriage. I was getting ready to engage in one of the biggest mistakes of my life. I was not healed from the lost of my first wife, but was already looking for ways to medicate my pain. Those couple of years in my life consisted of my most shameful, painful and detestable attributes. I truly moved away from God. On the outside I was “fine.” Physically, I was looking great; had a good job and even attended a ten thousand-member African American Baptist Church. Nevertheless, I was rotten inside.
I was not involved in any ministry, did not have any desire to do so, did not have a prayer life and did not read the Word. Yet, I still went to church and hided in the midst of so many people. I surely turned my back on the Lord. Everything went from bad to worse in my marriage and we ended-up divorced. That was the one-two punch designed to kill me. With a divorce and later with my sin exposed publicly I was convinced that for me, this was surely the end. Fornication became a way of life for me and ate my heart, my call and my passion for Christ way. I felt like a dead man walking!
Fortunately, the Lord gave me the grace to repent of my sin, brought me out of my mess, restored my soul, renewed my strength, my faith, my love for Jesus, my love for God’s people and gave me a great hope for the future. I feel the fire of God in my life like never before. God has given me a suitable helper and an extraordinary mother for my children. I am the head of a family of ministers; God is already opening doors and giving us a taste of what is to come.
On June 10th 2012 I will be pastoring again; six and a half years later the Lord has opened a door…