Sincerely: A Restored Soul by my daughter Ileana J. Casiano

Spoken Word by my daughter Ileana


Spoken Word

 

 

Dear Reader:

My joy had been conquered,

My happiness was fading away,

Lusts for something else I thought would never go away,

My mind was weak,

My heart was in mournful thread,

Because until the day that I would find my joy I was walking cold and dead,

My eyes were weary wherever I looked,

My hands shoved in my pockets still,

My legs refused to respond to commands,

My soul cried out in the wind

“IS ANYONE LISTENING, DOES ANYONE UNDERSTAND MY PAIN?”

You see, Silence is sometimes louder than screams,

and so it seems, that the dreams that I used to believe,

Have been FLIPPED, SHIFTED, and RIPPED,

Just like the last photo I took in my mothers arms as her heart STOPPED BEATING,

Slowly coming to a HALT,

It was just too much,

For Days, Weeks, and even Years since,

I would lie on my pillow and ask

” God is this my fault?

What did I do wrong?

Why did you take my own mother away?

Why couldn’t she stay?

Why did it have to happen that way?”

Even though I knew that God is my savior,

Satan kept throwing me deeper and deeper into what seemed like a bottomless pit of SADNESS, ANGER, and WRATH,

My behavior had taken a 180,

And EVERYWHERE I was (other than church)

If you never really ever took the time to get to know me,

you would have thought I was just another one of those GHETTO GURLZ,

I was consumed into the vomit zone,

Not really ever putting up a fight,

I had become one of those Christians who would sing songs about violence and rebellion,

But then go to church on Sunday singing HERE I AM TO WORSHIP,

For me God wasn’t worth it,

All of the pain and suffering I had faced,

I just felt deserted,

In my own world it was just me myself and I,

And God Didn’t Deserve this,

But the bible says in 1 Corinthians 10: 13,

Among other things, that, GOD is faithful; and he will not test you beyond what you CAN bear,”

So according to God I was strong enough to face this,

How could I have been so faithless,

You see my problem was that I wanted to be the solution while GOD was like ” I got this”

So I finally realized that going to church wasn’t all that I had to do,

I had to develop a close relationship with my God to find out the truth,

I finally made up my mind that I was no longer let my joy become conquered,

And as long as I have Jesus my happiness will stay,

I will no longer lust for other things because then my Jesus will be forced away,

My mind will stay strong,

And my heart will pump from my toes to my head,

And since today I have found my joy I am walking alive instead of dead,

My eyes are cautious when I look where I look,

My hands are flipping to bible verses still,

My legs respond to my every command,

MY SOUL SHOUTS OUT IN THE WIND,

” I KNOW NOW GOD IS LISTENING, I KNOW NOW THAT I CAN MAKE IT THROUGH THIS PAIN.”

Sincerely: A Restored Soul

Author: angelcasiano

An independent thinker with a profound call to see the orthodoxy of the church and passion for Christ manifesting together. Angel was born in Brooklyn, New York in April of 1968, he was raised on the beautiful island of Puerto Rico where he earned his B.S. degree in Sociology with a minor in Education from the Inter American University in San Germán in 1991. That same year he moved to Jacksonville, Florida. After working construction jobs for a year and learning the English language, his first job working with foster-care children in the capacity of youth care worker was with Jacksonville Youth Sanctuary in September of 1992. With JYS he was promoted several times as group home supervisor, legal caseworker, and program director. While in Jacksonville, Angel studied a couple of martial arts styles. After earning his black belt, he became the founder of Good Fight Ministries as he used martial arts as an instrument to preach the gospel. In 2004 Angel was selected Martial Arts Instructor of the Year for the State of Florida and in 2005 Angel was inducted in the USA Martial Arts Hall of Fame where he also received the Christian Spirit Award. In July of 2005 Angel accepted his call to pastor a bilingual church in Winton, NC where he served for a couple of years. Five months later he lost his first wife to cancer in December of that same year. This initiated a deep valley of suffering in his life, a mountain of costly mistakes and the embracing of lifestyles of sin that are well documented through this blog. In August of 2012 Angel moved to Fairbanks Alaska with his wife Rayette Casiano and six children who are now adults. In Alaska, Angel continued his social work-related career and his ministry of preaching, teaching and writing. Angel is the author of two books, Hope for the divorcee: Forgiving and Moving Forward and 7 Banderas de Esperanza: La Bendición de Yokdzonot. In January 8th of 2020 Angel and his wife moved to Arizona.

6 thoughts on “Sincerely: A Restored Soul by my daughter Ileana J. Casiano”

  1. Ileana, that was incredibly heartfelt and certainly speaks for those who have lost a mother, father, son, daughter, brother, or sister as you well know are all non replaceable in our lives here on earth. It is evident that God has ministered greatly to you thru these years that caused you such great pain. His Love reached down and pulled me out of the pit of death, too. Thank you for sharing this…..

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  2. Thanks for sharing this with me and ultimately the world…this is intense, deep, honest and pure intimate thoughts that you expressed….i am sure it was a emotional rollercoaster but a cleansing stream at the same time….I am proud of your boldness to become a conqueror….just like David your testimony is the stone that will slay many giants…..luv u very much….so glad you are all back…..

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  3. All of these blogs speak truth which gives us victory over the darkest, hardest and most impossible situations…..being bold to speak in TRUTH will bring you great honor and respect and ultimately Glory to our King of Kings….

    Like

  4. Hello everyone, this is Jubi, and thank you for all of your encouraging comments. i love you all, and i also want every one that has lost a loved one to know that there are others out there that know how you feel, and hopefully after reading this they were encouraged as well to not give up on GOD because He will not give up on you.
    MUCH LOVE to every body…and God Bless You…

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  5. This is tremendously written, with a message that attacks the heart. I have never seen this form of poetry from my sister, but she is truly gifted. Absolutely beautiful with euphony and rhythm. I love you sis. ~ written by Angelo, her brother.

    Like

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